


Forever Young

by lostmagician



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series), Karate Kid (Movies)
Genre: 1980s, Angst and Feels, Coming of Age, Falling In Love, Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Time Travel Fix-It, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:22:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26482603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostmagician/pseuds/lostmagician
Summary: "We could have been friends..."In 2018, a drunk Johnny records a message on his Walkman, expressing regret. If only he and Daniel had made amends sooner, the school fight never would have happened.In 1984, a young Johnny hears the message.
Relationships: Daniel LaRusso/Johnny Lawrence
Comments: 286
Kudos: 957





	1. A Wrinkle in Time

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about this story for the past six months, and I'm so happy I finally got the chance to write it. Get ready for all the emotions!
> 
> Title based on the song [Forever Young](https://youtu.be/jtRrhL9r92w) by Alphaville.
> 
> Prompt by _cobrakaiseriesfan_ on Tumblr. (The account has since been deactivated.)

Miguel was in the hospital. Kreese had taken over Cobra Kai. His students had abandoned him.

And it was all Johnny's fault.

The first thing he did when he got home was get a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard. His chest was aching, a heavy sensation that spread through his limbs. The only silver lining was that they’d found Robby. He’d been detained and then released under Shannon’s custody. Johnny thought of the way Shannon had looked at him in the police station, the disappointment in her eyes.

He sank into the armchair and took a long drink. He hated the feeling. Like Shannon kept expecting better from him, and he kept falling short.

And then there was Daniel. The way they’d ignored each other at the hospital, an ocean of silence settling between them. Johnny’s chest ached again, this time a searing pain.

It could have been different, he realized. They could have _talked._ No, not in the elevator. Before. This was a story thirty-four years in the making. This stupid rivalry that had plagued them ever since they were teenagers. It was so dumb. How could Johnny take it seriously when it had broken Miguel? The doctor had said he’d be needing a full year of physical therapy after the accident.

Johnny took another pull, his head spinning with the movement. At this point, he just wanted to drink himself into an early grave. He’d failed in every way that mattered. As a father, as a sensei. A small part of him wished he could forever remember this feeling inside of him, the nothingness that came from being a coward. It’s what he deserved.

It was by chance that his head lolled sideway, and his eyes landed on a cardboard box full of his old stuff. He leaned forward and with fumbling fingers, pulled it closer.

He stared down at the Walkman. He took as many deep pulls of whiskey as he could with the burning in his throat, before bending down and picking it up.

He leaned back into the armchair, and brushed the speaker against his lips, feeling the plastic warm underneath his skin. His fingers moved, and the next thing he knew he was pressing down on the record button.

“I—” He bared his teeth. “I’m a fuck-up.”

Johnny released the button, and buried his face in his elbow. He choked down the tears that were rising in his throat. He was stupid, so _stupid._ But he needed to do this; he needed to remember. ( _You’re a coward, aren’t you? You’re a cowa--)_ He brought the Walkman to his lips again.

“Miguel is lying in a hospital bed, Robby is going to juvie, and it’s all—” He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily. “It’s all m-my fault. It’s all my fault, and because of what? Some stupid rivalry with LaRusso? It’s so fucking stupid. _I’m_ so stupid. If—” his voice broke off, and he breathed again. “If only we’d talked. If only we’d put all this—all this bullshit behind us. I could have tried harder. We could have been friends—” He swallowed thickly. “Fuck, we could have been more than friends.”

He put his hand down, and lay his head back on the armchair. He had no idea what he was saying anymore. His mind was stuck on the image of teenage Daniel in his white gi. That day at the Tournament, Johnny had snatched the trophy from the referee, and handed it to Daniel himself. He’d been so full of emotion at the time.

_You_ _’re alright, LaRusso,_ he’d said, and he’d meant every word.

But then they’d started school again, and he’d been too embarrassed to do anything about it. Now, the memory swirled through his mind like a kaleidescope, and with every second that passed, it grew dimmer and more jumbled. He felt a blanket of darkness wrap around him, the siren of a fitful sleep.

Even as he drifted off, the words continued to echo inside of him.

_We could have been friends._

If only they’d talked.

_If only._

* * *

_**1984** _

_“We could have been friends… Fuck, we could have been more than friends.”_

A young Johnny stared down at his Walkman with wide eyes.

  
Who the hell was— _that?_

* * *

Johnny paced back and forth in his bedroom, the floorboard squeaking with every step.

One moment he was listening to REO Speedwagon, and then the next, the music had cut and a man had started talking. Who was he? How did he get there? _What the hell was he talking about?_ The questions shuffled through his mind like a deck of cards, over and over again, making him walk faster despite the late hour.

It’s only when he heard an angry knock against his bedroom wall, that his legs froze.

“Be quiet or I’ll knock your head, boy,” Sid yelled from the next room.

He blinked, and took a deep breath, then another. Maybe this was somebody else’s tape. He sat down on the bed and removed it from the slot, flipping it over and studying it. But it was the same cassette that his mom had bought him at a gas station in Utah. He bit his lip, trying to understand what the hell was going on.

Maybe this was a prank by Daniel—payback for that time Johnny had made him sit on a plate of blueberry pie. But when would he have gotten his hands on the player? Johnny was careful to keep the Walkman close to him, and he would have noticed if it had gone missing.

He replaced the tape in the slot, and put on his earphones again. This time when he pressed on play, he tried to concentrate on the man’s words.

There was something about a guy called Miguel, he was in the hospital. Another guy called Robby in juvie. Were they friends? Family? And what did Daniel have to do with any of this? What did their friendship have to do with anything? Soon, the recording ended. Johnny rewinded the tape, and played it again. And again. And again.

The man’s words were slurred, like he’d had too much to drink. But he didn’t sound crazy. If anything, his voice was haunting, almost scary in its sincerity.

Johnny threw off his earphones, and rubbed a hand over his mouth. He was trying really hard not to panic, especially when the man’s voice sounded so much like a deeper, raspier version of his own.

No, this wasn’t possible. It had to be joke.

It had to be.

* * *

Johnny hardly slept that night. He tossed and turned in bed, replaying the voice in his head. When he woke up, he shuffled into the kitchen, bleary-eyed and exhausted. His mom checked his forehead with a frown, and he could have sold it. _I_ _’m sick, mom. I’m not feeling well._ But he really needed to go to school.

He had some observing to do.

The guys were already hanging out in the parking lot. Johnny greeted them with a fist bump. Jimmy was talking about his new VCR and debating which movie he was going to watch first ( _Star Wars,_ Bobby kept saying. _It’s gotta be Star Wars)_. Johnny only listened half-heartedly. His attention was too caught up by his surroundings. His eyes roamed the area, and it wasn’t long before they landed on a familiar figure.

It was hard not to notice him, with his aviator sunglasses and red checkered shirt. Johnny narrowed his eyes, as Daniel passed by without even looking at him, just continued walking like he didn’t have a care in the world. It only fanned the flames inside of him. Because sometime during the morning the first tendrils of anger had made their way to the surface.

This had to be a prank.

He decided to watch Daniel during the rest of the day. In the morning, Johnny found him having an animated conversation with Counselor Higgins in the hallway. She kept checking her watch and taking a step back, before Daniel moved quickly on his feet, roping her in with a new topic.

At lunch, Daniel sat with Ali, Barbara and Susan in the middle of the cafeteria, and it was so sad. Didn’t the guy have any friends of his own? The girls seemed to be knee-deep in a conversation while Daniel chipped in every now and then. Johnny didn’t miss Susan’s eye roll every time Daniel so much as breathed in their direction.

During the afternoon break, Johnny caught him again, this time outside. Daniel sat in the bleachers, making out with Ali. Johnny clenched his jaw, when Daniel released her lips with a lovestruck expression on his face.

At the end of the day, Johnny returned to his locker, feeling none the wiser. He hadn’t gleaned any new information on Daniel. It wasn’t like he’d expected to find him rubbing his hands together with Machiavellian glee, but just a hint of ill will would have been nice.

He was putting away his textbooks, feeling more than annoyed, when a mop of dark hair appeared at his shoulder.

“What do you want, Johnny?” Daniel asked.

His jaw was set tight, like he was itching for a fight. Johnny slowed down his movement. When he didn’t answer, Daniel raised his eyebrows, and shook his head in question.

“Why do you keep staring at me?”

Johnny placed his last textbook on the shelf. “I’m not staring at you.”

There was a short silence, like Daniel knew he was full of shit. Johnny didn’t care. How was he going to prove it?

“Okay, well I thought you wanted to put all of this behind us. Isn’t that what we’d decided after the tournament?”

Johnny slammed his locker shut, and Daniel jumped.

“I thought we had,” Johnny said, jutting his jaw forward. “Isn’t that what we’d decided?”

Daniel’s head jerked back. When he spoke again, he sounded unsure. “Yeah.”

“We both decided not to mess with each other anymore. No pranks, no games.”

“That’s what I just said,” Daniel said, this time angrier. “No more games. So, are you gonna stop staring at me or what?”

Johnny looked at Daniel, but he didn’t look like he was hiding anything _._ It only made him more annoyed.

“I’m not staring at you,” Johnny finally said. “Now back off, twerp.”

Daniel worked his jaw back and forth, before scoffing and walking away. Johnny gritted his teeth, and closed his bag. He couldn’t help it. Daniel always did bring up a visceral reaction in him.

The tape was dumb anyway.

* * *

“Aren’t you pissed at him?” Dutch asked the next day during PE.

“What?” Johnny asked, as he bent down and stretched his hamstrings. He counted to five, feeling the burn in his legs.

“LaRusso,” Dutch said, dipping his head behind him. Johnny straightened his back and glanced in his direction. Daniel was standing on the sidelines, kicking a ball in the air despite the brace on his knee. His movements were stiff and jerky. It didn’t stop a group of cheerleaders nearby from ogling at him.

“Who cares,” Johnny said, returning to his exercise. He stretched his arms above his head, and let his eyes roam over the soccer field.

But Dutch was having none of it.

“He stole your girl,” Dutch insisted, his eyes flashing in anger. “And then he kicked you in the head.”

Johnny pressed his lips together. He didn’t feel like dealing with Dutch right now. Even Bobby looked like he wanted out. His eyebrows were drawn tight, and he seemed entirely too focused on his calf stretches. Johnny suspected he still felt guilty about Daniel’s leg injury.

“Whatever,” Johnny said. “I’m over it.”

_If only we_ ' _d talked…_

It was the wrong thing to say. Dutch clenched his jaw and walked up to Johnny until they were almost nose to nose. “How can you be over it, huh?” He grabbed Johnny’s elbow in a tight grip _._ “You and Ali were supposed to be together.”

Johnny shrugged him off. “Dutch, back off.”

Wrong thing to say again. Dutch was getting worked up now, vein popping on his forehead. Just as he opened his mouth to say something, there was a loud flop, and his head jerked forward.

Johnny blinked, as a ball rolled away to the side. He looked behind Dutch, to where Daniel was standing with his hands on his hips.

“Oops, sorry,” Daniel said, but the words were belied by the shit-eating grin on his face. He rolled his shoulders, and waved vaguely at his leg. “It’s hard to aim with the brace on my knee.”

Dutch’s face went red. “You little—” he bared his teeth, and just as he was about to lunge, Mr. Morgan appeared at Bobby’s side with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Problem here, fellas?” he asked. His tone was friendly, but his chest puffed out in warning.

Daniel’s smile widened.

“No, not me. I don’t have a problem. Do you have a problem, Dutch?”

“No,” Dutch said, and then he forced a smile. It looked painful. “Everything is good here.”

Mr. Morgan raised an eyebrow, like he clearly didn’t believe them. “Uh huh. Well, when you’re done messing around, I want you all to get back to work. The balls aren’t going to kick themselves.”

Dutch mumbled under his breath and went to fetch a ball. Johnny finished warming up, before running onto the field and getting into position. He was a halfback, so he spent the entire game running back and forth on the field, trying to pass the ball to the attackers.

It was fun, except for the fact that he could feel Daniel’s eyes following him the entire time. It was unnerving, but Johnny didn’t expect any less. It was probably payback for the day before.

* * *

At the end of the game, Mr. Morgan asked Johnny to help him gather all the forgotten water bottles on the field, and then took the opportunity to ask him questions about college. It was the same old _What are you planning on studying?_ and _Have you started applying?_ It rankled Johnny. He’d been banking on karate to get a free ride to college, but nobody wanted a second-place loser.

When they were done talking, he only had twenty minutes left until fifth period. He hurried off the field, and into the locker room. There were very little people left at this time, which meant he could finally shower in peace. He stripped off his clothes, and got into a stall.

He held back a moan, when the hot water beat down on his back. It was so good. He let his head hang between his shoulders, and let his mind go over the day so far. Except for the interrogation at the end, PE had been fun, relaxing even. He smiled as he remembered the expression on Dutch’s face when he got hit with the ball. He’d never seen his friend so shocked before; it was definitely a sight to remember.

Five minutes into the shower, he realized that he still hadn’t washed himself. He reached for a bar of soap. Just as his hand closed around it, he heard a sound.

Johnny froze. He tried to catch it again, but it was hard to hear with the sheets of water hitting the floor. He turned off the water, and it was in the following silence that he heard it again. A loud grunt, and the banging sound of metal. Johnny grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist, before stepping out of the stall.

The sound was even louder in the locker room. It was completely empty now, not a soul in sight. He made his way slowly through the room, checking row after row. When he turned the last corner, his body went cold.

There were two figures scuffling in the shadows.

“Huh? You, little punk?” the voice said, and Johnny’s nostrils flared when he realized it was Dutch. He slammed the kid against the locker. “This is what you get for being a pain in my ass.”

The kid started to say something, but broke off with a moan when Dutch wedged a knee into his thigh. There was movement, Dutch’s shoulder moving sideways, and Johnny’s heart dropped when he saw Daniel’s face, grimacing in pain.

“Hey!” Johnny said.

Dutch’s head whipped around, his eyes confused until they landed on Johnny. He bared his teeth. “The punk hit me with the ball on purpose, and you know it.”

“Maybe,” Johnny said, keeping his face hard. He took a step forward. “But beating him up is not going to get you anything. Leave him alone.”

“No, it’s the only way he’ll learn his lesson.”

“I said leave him alone.”

“Or else what?” Dutch asked, his lips curling in a sneer. “He’s going to beat me up? Look at him. He’s a pipsqueak.”

“No, or else you’ll have to answer to me.”

There was a tense moment during which they stared at each other. Johnny clenched his jaw, and tried to radiate fury with every atom.

After a while, Dutch relaxed his grip. He licked his lips and crowded against Daniel.

“It’s not over,” Dutch said through gritted teeth. “One more shit move from you, and you’re dead meat.”

He shoved Daniel one last time against the locker, before stepping away. He kicked a chair on his way out. Johnny waited until he heard the door of the room close.

His eyes snapped to Daniel, who was still flat against the locker door, and staring at him uncertainly.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked.

Daniel’s eyes darted around the room, before dropping to the floor. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“Sorry about Dutch. He can get a little carried away sometimes.”

“It’s fine,” Daniel said with hunched shoulders. “I’m used to it.”

He limped toward the bench and sat down carefully. Johnny didn’t miss the way his face tightened with the movement. He chewed on his lip.

“Does it hurt?” Johnny asked.

Daniel looked up like he was surprised by the question. He thought about his answer. “Right now, yeah, a bit… But usually no.”

Johnny nodded. “Okay, good.”

Daniel’s gaze dropped and he started readjusting the straps on the brace, one by one. Johnny was about to ask more, when he noticed a flush rising in Daniel’s cheeks. At first, he thought it was the heat from the showers, but when Daniel still hadn’t looked at him thirty seconds later, Johnny bit his lip.

“Do you need any help?” he asked.

Daniel glanced up before looking away again. “Mhm? No. I’m fine.”

He readjusted the straps on his brace a second time. Johnny opened his mouth, only to feel a drop of water trickle down his back. His jaw snapped shut when he realized that he was still naked from the waist up, and Daniel was trying really hard not to look at him. Johnny’s face heated in embarrassment.

“Okay, yeah, uh... I guess I’ll go finish my shower,” Johnny said, waving vaguely behind him. He didn’t wait for an answer, just turned around.

Daniel’s voice called out just as he took a first step.

“Johnny.”

He stopped. “Yeah?”

Daniel’s eyes fully connected with Johnny this time.

“Thank you.”

Johnny blinked. He’d done what any normal person would do.

“No problem, Danielle.”

Daniel rolled his eyes, but Johnny didn’t miss the smile on his face when he walked back into the shower.

* * *

During the next week, Daniel nodded at him whenever they crossed path in the hallway—a simple dip of the head to acknowledge his presence. Johnny nodded in return.

It wasn’t a lot, but it changed Johnny’s entire perspective. Every night, he lay in bed listening to the tape, imagining a future where their friendship made a difference. Now that they were on better terms, it didn’t feel right to ignore the message, not when the broken voice haunted him every night in his sleep.

A part of him wished that this tentative truce was enough, but he knew deep inside that it wasn’t. This wasn’t talking. He needed to find a sure-fire way to get closer to Daniel.

At the end, it turned out he didn’t need to do anything.

Now that he couldn’t rely on an athletic scholarship to get into college, he needed to get his shit together. Counselor Higgins called him into her office to discuss all his options. The meeting took forever, but they finally decided that a biology class would be a good way to boost his GPA.

“Okay, class,” Mrs. Almer said, clapping her hands once. “Johnny will be joining us until the end of the year. Who would like to partner up with him?”

Everybody pretended that they were busy, inspecting their nails, reading their notes. Johnny gritted his teeth and willed down the flush in his cheeks.

Mrs. Almer looked around, her eyes big under her black rimmed-glasses. “Anybody?”

Another long silence. Johnny wished the ground would swallow him whole. He was about to say _screw it, who needs college anyway,_ when a soft voice spoke up.

“He can join us.”

Johnny’s eyes snapped up. It was Daniel. He was sitting all the way in the back. There was long-haired boy next to him, who didn’t seem too thrilled by the prospect.

“Okay. Thank you, Mr. LaRusso.”

It took a moment for Johnny to move. He picked up his bag off the floor and walked to the table. Daniel moved his stool, and Johnny swung into the empty seat next to him. It was a wide table, but it was a little crowded with three people. Johnny joined his hands together and tried to ignore the closeness between them.

Class was boring. They were going to dissect a frog, and it seemed like long-haired Fred had a bile fascination, his eyes widening in excitement at the sight of the carcass. Johnny tried to hold back his vomit. It’s the part he hated most about biology.

Daniel must have noticed his pale complexion, because when Fred offered Johnny a scalpel, he knocked Fred’s hand away.

“How many people does it take to dissect a frog, right?” Daniel joked. “I’m sure he won’t mind watching.”

Johnny shifted in his seat. He didn’t have time to feel embarrassed, because Daniel had already moved onto the next topic.

It seemed they were both biology nerds, Fred being the more knowledgeable of the two. He went into long-winded explanations about the insides of the frog, while Daniel kept asking him questions like _What do you call this?_ and _Why does it look so red?_

Fred answered happily, going on and on about the ventricles in the frog’s heart and how its liver had three lobes, as opposed to the four in humans. With the help of the teacher’s instructions, they went through every single organ until they reached the stomach.

“Okay, now the final cut,” Fred said, slicing it through the middle. “Huh. It seems this frog didn’t eat anything. His stomach is empty.”

Daniel leaned forward to check. “Really? Not even French flies and a Diet Croak?”

A choked laugh escaped Johnny. Daniel was practically vibrating in his seat, filled with childish glee. Fred stared at Daniel, his eyes blinking slowly. He didn’t get the joke.

“I’m going to go clean my scalpel,” Fred said, before standing up and going to the end of the room.

“You’re an idiot,” Johnny said.

Daniel turned to him with raised eyebrows. “Whatever, at least you’re smiling. He’s still trying to figure out the joke.”

Johnny chewed the inside of his cheek to keep the laughter at bay, because it was so _true._ Fred was still standing at the sink frowning to himself.

“So…” Daniel started. “You don’t like biology?”

“I like biology just fine. It’s the dissecting dead things that I don’t enjoy.”

“Yeah,” Daniel said, his eyes glinting in amusement. “The frogs are probably not _hoppy_ getting dissected either.”

Johnny groaned. “You’re terrible.”

“Am I?” Daniel asked, laughing.

“You’re worst than Tommy, and he’s the _king_ of bad puns.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Daniel said. “As long as you don’t compare me to Dutch, it’s all good.”

“Don’t worry about that. You two are polar opposites.”

Daniel nodded. “So, why are you here? Did you fail biology during the first semester or something?”

“No, just needed the extra credit for college.”

“Cool. What are you gonna major in?”

Johnny shrugged.

“What does that mean?” Daniel asked.

“It’s top secret,” Johnny said, before licking his teeth. “If I _toad_ you, I’d have to kill you.”

Daniel stared at him for a beat, before throwing his head back in laughter. Johnny felt warmth pool in his lower belly. He didn’t have time to question it. Soon Fred returned to the table, and Mrs. Almer went over the important points of the dissection.

Before he knew it, class was over, and everybody was getting up.

“I’m glad to know you weren’t too traumatized by the lesson,” Daniel said, before looking at him uncertainly. “I’ll see you again on Thursday, right?”

“Yeah,” Johnny said. “Thursday.”

Daniel nodded and then stood there awkwardly, before walking out.

Johnny stayed behind for a few seconds, wondering why suddenly another biology lesson didn’t sound so bad.

* * *

One week later, Fred got mono, and it was just them.

Johnny thought that things would be awkward without a buffer between them, but it couldn’t have been further from reality. They got along well— like _really_ well. They had a lot of things in common: similar tastes in music, movies, same sense of humor.

The days when Mrs. Almer conducted a proper lesson, there wasn’t much room for conversation, only a few comments here and there as they took notes. It’s on the days where they had lab that they talked the most.

And Daniel sure did love talking. While Johnny conducted emulsion tests and paper models of proteins, Daniel went on and on about the road trip he’d taken that one summer with his mom on the East Coast, the nebula that he’d once seen when he was thirteen, the pasta arrabiata he’d eaten the night before.

He was earnest when he spoke, his eyes always lighting up in excitement, and that was the thing about Daniel. He didn’t stop to think whether or not something made him look nerdy or stupid. He just talked about whatever made him happy, and Johnny really liked it. It was a nice change from the average fake high-schooler.

Outside of class, Johnny continued to hang out with the guys. He’d made up with Dutch, though there was still something tentative about their relationship.

Johnny thought it was all in his head until one afternoon proved him wrong.

“What’s going on with LaRusso?” Dutch asked. It was their free period and they were sitting on a bench outside, the sun shining on their shoulders.

Johnny straightened his back at the question.

“Nothing. Why?”

“Why are you guys hanging out so much?”

“Yeah, it’s true,” Tommy chipped in, taking a bite of orange. “We’re seeing you around him more often.”

Bobby peered up from his book, before dropping his gaze and turning the page.

“Yeah?” Johnny asked. “I mean, we are taking biology together.”

“Right,” Tommy said. He was about to say something else when he noticed Susan from afar. “Wait, I’ll be back.”

Tommy ran off like a man on a mission. Johnny stared down at his textbook, but he could still feel the weight of Dutch’s stare. He was waiting for an answer.

For a split-second, Johnny imagined telling him the truth. _My future self told me that Daniel and I needed to become friends or else people were going to get seriously hurt._ It sounded so ridiculous. Anyway, it wasn’t the answer Dutch would have wanted to hear. He still had Cobra Kai running through his veins.

Despite Dutch saying otherwise, a part of Johnny suspected that he’d continued his weekly karate classes with Kreese.

“The guy stole my girl,” Johnny said, the words tasting like ash in his mouth. He didn’t have any other choice. “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, right? It’s the only way I can keep an eye on him.”

Dutch frowned, as he mulled over Johnny’s reply. Then, he nodded slowly, a smile spreading on his lips.

“Strike when they least expect it.” Dutch threw his head back, cackling. “I love it.”

Johnny worked his jaw, as he listened to Dutch talk about ideas on how to get Daniel, his stomach tightening with every suggestion. He didn’t know what he was going to do. The problem wasn’t only Dutch. There were only three months until summer, and then no guarantee that he was ever going to see Daniel again. He needed to put a step on it if he wanted them to become friends.

Hopefully, Dutch would be too busy with other things to notice their growing relationship.

* * *

The perfect opportunity came a week later when he least expected it.

Jimmy’s parents were out of the town, and his older brother was going to a concert on Saturday night. Which meant—

“A party?” Daniel asked. He bit his lip, his expression uncertain.

Johnny had waited for the right moment to ask. The students were straggling out of class, and Daniel’s fifth period had been canceled. He shifted his weight on his other foot.

“Yeah, come on. It’ll be fun,” Johnny said, hoping he didn’t sound too needy. “Haven’t you ever been to a party before?”

“No, no. I have.”

“There’s a pool table in the basement,” Johnny added.

Daniel scuffed his foot against the floor, and stared at the table. What was the big deal? It was just a party.

“Okay,” Daniel said, peering up at Johnny from beneath his lashes. Then, like he was seriously contemplating it, he grinned. “Yeah, okay. I’ll go.”

Johnny’s heart skipped a beat, and he smiled. “Great.”

Daniel was about to turn away when he remembered something. “Is it—is it okay if I ask Ali to come?”

Johnny had to force his smile not to drop.

“Yeah, sure.”

_Shit._


	2. Accidental Love

Jimmy’s parties were always the best on the block. His parents were rich, and regularly traveled abroad, which left him alone with his older brother. Johnny looked forward to the party all week. He’d given Daniel the address, and told him to come anytime after seven.

It was eight o’clock and Daniel still hadn’t shown up.

Johnny tried to keep it cool. He played a game of pool with Bobby in the basement _(I’m a pro, you can’t beat me)_ and won five dollars. He participated in a game of truth or dare _(I dare you to do it. I dare you—)_ and swallowed a teaspoon of mustard. He discussed karate with a skinny kid called Haru _(it’s actually pronounced kara-tay, but okay)._

It was closer to nine when Daniel finally showed up. Johnny’s heart rate picked up the second he saw him walk through the door. He was dressed in jeans and a black button-down shirt. Johnny took a step forward, ready to go say hi, when somebody else followed him inside.

It was Ali, and she looked— _amazing._ Short dress, red lipstick, curly hair framing her face. She hooked a hand around Daniel’s elbow, whispering in his ear, and Johnny felt a pang of jealousy so deep in his chest.

He returned to the conversation with Haru, but his mood had soured. A minute later, Tommy showed up _sans Susan,_ and the discussion changed to the new Rocky movie. Johnny forced himself to pay attention. They talked about the rivalry between Balboa and Creed. It wasn’t the first time they’d discussed it, and it wasn’t going to be the last. Soon, they were joined by Bobby and Jimmy, and the debate turned heated as they argued over who won the final match in Rocky IV.

Johnny was defending his position _(you idiots, it_ _’s the hero of the movie, who else?)_ when a hot girl in a red dress passed by. She winked at Johnny, making him lose track of the conversation for a second.

“Looks like you’re still popular with the girls, King Karate,” Tommy said, shoving him in the shoulder. Johnny licked his lips, and felt a heat settle low in his belly. He took a pull of his beer, only to realize he’d finished the bottle.

“I’ll be back,” he told the guys, but they’d already moved on to talk about whether Rocky’s wife looked hotter with or without glasses.

Johnny rolled his eyes and headed to the kitchen. The counter was filled with all kinds of drinks and snacks. He grabbed a handful of chips and threw them into his mouth, crunching loudly, before sticking his arm into the cooler. He felt around and let out a sound of triumph when his fingers wrapped around the last bottle of beer.

He cracked it open and took a long drink, washing down the chips, when somebody jostled against his side.

“Hey, watch it—”

His voice died in his throat, when he saw who it was.

“Hey,” Daniel said, smiling. He stood two feet away with a glint in his eye.

“Hey,” Johnny said, and he couldn’t stop the goofy smile that spread on his face. God—what was _wrong_ with him?

“It’s a cool party,” Daniel said. He already had a drink in his hand, which meant he’d come just to say hi. “Is this how you spend your weekends?”

“Is that what you think of me? That I’m some kind of party animal?”

“No, not a party animal,” Daniel said, tongue-in-cheek. He shrugged. “Just a rich kid.”

Johnny would have been offended if it weren’t for the mischievous twist in Daniel’s lips.

“Hey, us rich kids are more than meets the eye.”

“Nerdy reference, I like it—”

“Just because everybody here has money doesn’t mean they don’t have their fair share of problems.”

“Yeah, because I’m sure Silvia over there with the Rolex is having _real_ problems.”

Johnny sighed. “If only you knew.”

Daniel narrowed his eyes.

“Knew what?”

God, he was so _easy._ Johnny crooked his finger, beckoning him closer. Daniel humored him, and came close, turning his head so that his ear was close to Johnny’s lips. He smelled of motor oil and soap.

Johnny dropped his voice in a mock whisper. “Her dad was caught embezzling money from the company he works for.”

Daniel’s eyebrows flew up, but he didn’t say anything. He took a step back, and licked his lips. He searched the crowd, and dipped his head sideway. “Okay, what about that guy with the bucked teeth?”

Johnny didn’t have to look to know that he was talking about Eddie. “Parents getting divorced.”

“Redhead?”

This time, Johnny made a show of looking. “His mom had an affair with Mr. Morgan.”

Daniel’s eyes opened wide, and it’s how they spent the next fifteen minutes. Daniel pointing out different people in the room, and Johnny answering with all the self-confidence of a social butterfly. He even told Daniel about Pam, whose parents made Johnny sign an honest-to-god contract before he could take her out on a date.

With time Daniel started to share stories of his own. It seemed that he’d moved around a lot as a kid, because every story began with a variation of _That one time in Michigan..._ or _There was that year in Utah..._

Johnny laughed hard when Daniel talked about the guy whose mother sent him flowers for Valentine’s day. Daniel was funny, and there was an easiness in the conversation that couldn’t be recreated in class. Johnny was just glad that Dutch had already scored some company for the evening. It was one less thing to worry about.

“Okay, fine. Last one,” Daniel said, scanning the room. “What about that girl with the black hair?”

Johnny’s eyes landed on a chick talking quietly in a corner. She was dressed in a knee-length skirt, with a modest blouse and a silver cross around her neck.

“Oh,” Johnny said, licking his teeth. “Her parents own a sex dungeon.”

Daniel’s jaw went slack, as he took in Johnny’s words. Johnny tried to keep a straight face on, but it was so hard. Daniel narrowed his eyes.

“Have you have been making shit up?”

Johnny threw his head back and laughed.

“I can’t believe you,” Daniel said, smacking Johnny in the chest. But there was a smile on his face. “So this entire time?”

“Come on,” Johnny said, spreading his arms. “How would I know all of this shit? What am I, a girl?”

“No, you’re an asshole is what you are.”

“I kept you entertained, didn’t I?”

“Why do you keep doing this to me?”

“I don’t know,” Johnny said, chuckling. “I like it.”

Johnny regretted the words the moment they left his mouth—they were too _real._ But Daniel didn’t seem to notice. He’d already moved onto the next question.

“So that part about you and Pam...”

Funny that he would focus on that.

“Okay, not everything was fake. That part was actually true. We ended up going on a few more dates after that.”

“You really had all the girls, huh?” Daniel asked, and there was something self-deprecating about his tone.

“I’ve had a few girlfriends, here and there. It was never really serious. Well, except for...” He trailed off.

And then it was like the spell was broken. Daniel searched the area, frowning when his eyes landed on the corner of the room.

Johnny glanced in that direction. Ali was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed over her chest. Tight jaw, hunched shoulders. Johnny recognized the look from a mile away: she was _pissed._

“I should probably go,” Daniel said, his eyes connecting fully with Johnny. There was a hint of apology in his expression. “See you later?”

“Yeah, of course,” Johnny said, shifting his weight on his other foot.

Daniel nodded, before weaving his way through the crowd. Johnny watched as he arrived in front of Ali. His mouth moved like he was talking, stretching every now and then into a placating smile. The moment he reached for her shoulder, she slapped his hand away.

Johnny took a pull from his beer, trying to ignore the sudden heaviness in his chest.

“Hi,” a voice said next to him.

He turned around, and lowered his bottle. It was the hot girl in the red dress.

“Hey,” Johnny said, letting his eyes travel over her. He turned his head just in time to see Ali storming out with clenched fists. Johnny’s heart sank when Daniel ran after her.

“—you from the tournament?”

He blinked, and realized that the chick was still talking to him. “Sorry, what?”

She smiled. “Aren’t you the guy from the final tournament?”

“Yeah,” Johnny said in surprise. “How did you—”

“My dad was a referee.” She blushed. “You were really good.”

The words caused his gut to tighten in shame.

“Well, apparently not good enough.”

“Are you kidding me? If it weren’t for that crane kick, you totally would have won.”

“Yeah?” Johnny said, biting his lip. There was still a feeling of guilt twisting in his gut, but he pushed it down.

Her name was Nadia. She was a year younger than Johnny, and had a slight accent. Her family had just moved to Encino eight months before, and she went to West Valley High. She liked pop music, action movies and swimming at the beach. Johnny found himself absorbed in the conversation, and before he knew it, it was an hour later and they were talking on the sofa.

“—so I’m in the back, and the teacher tells the girl to go left, so she turns left,” Nadia said, signaling with her hand. “But for some reason, the teacher’s not getting it, he keeps saying _Left! Left! Left!_ until this other dude next to me yells _She is going left, you idiot!_ _”_

Nadia threw her head back, laughing, and Johnny admired the smooth column of her throat. She continued, “It turns out the entire time, he thought he was telling her to go right.”

Johnny chuckled. “Did the teacher apologize?”

“No, not even,” Nadia said, smiling widely. “Obviously, the girl didn’t pass the test. Do you drive?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Cool,” Nadia said, resting her chin on her hand. “What’s the car?”

“A red ‘84 Firebird,” Johnny said, taking a long pull of beer.

“Wow,” Nadia said, cocking her head sideways. She bit her lip. “So… wanna show it to me?”

He choked on his drink, and her lips quirked in an amused smile. He wiped his mouth with the back of his wrist. She really was beautiful, and Johnny couldn’t remember the last time he’d fooled around with anyone.

“Let me go grab my keys,” Johnny said, getting up on his feet. As he made his way through the swarm of people, there was a tight feeling in his belly. It was nervousness, it had to be.

The first thing he’d done when he’d gotten here was drop off his bag in Jimmy’s bedroom. He never went anywhere without the tape anymore. He headed there now at a brisk pace, and only slowed down when he saw a familiar body sitting in front of the staircase.

“LaRusso?”

Daniel lifted his head, a dopey smile spreading on his face at the sight of Johnny.

“Oh, hey look it’s Johnny,” he said, and his words were slightly slurred. His legs were bent in front of him, and there was a cup dangling between his hands.

Johnny looked around, a sinking feeling in his chest. “Where’s Ali?”

For a moment, he thought that Daniel hadn’t heard him over the music. He’d gone back to staring blearily at the floor. Just as Johnny was about to ask again, Daniel’s smile turned wry.

“She broke up with me.”

Johnny knelt in front of him, and took the cup out of his hand, placing it on the floor.

“What?”

“Yeah,” Daniel said, leaning his head back against the wall. His throat bobbed with a swallow. “Apparently I’m a bad boyfriend.”

“What happened?”

Daniel shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t even know why I’m still here… I should go.”

And then he started to get on his hands, his limbs shaking with the movement.

“Hey, you’re not going anywhere,” Johnny said, pushing Daniel back down. He was in no shape to go home. “Just stay here. I’ll be back in a second.”

He waited for Daniel’s shaky nod, before standing up and heading to the living room. He didn’t know what he was going to tell Nadia, but did he really have a choice?

* * *

When he returned later, Daniel was still in the same spot, except he’d flopped to the side and was drooling on the floor.

“Okay, let’s do this,” Johnny said, bending down and passing one of Daniel’s arms over his shoulder. With a heave, he hoisted him up until he was standing.

Daniel staggered to his feet before leaning against him.

“How did you do that?” he asked, pressing his forehead against Johnny’s shoulder. “Must be all the karate muscles, amirite?”

Johnny rolled his eyes. “Come on, Princess,” he said, securing his hand around Daniel’s waist and urging him up the stairs.

It was tricky, anticipating both their steps at the same time. It didn’t help that drunk Daniel was apparently a talker. He kept a running commentary all the way upstairs.

“—didn’t even have that much to drink, you know? It was just what—three beers? There was this guy with glasses who kept offering me more. He had these thick glasses, and his eyes looked so big, you know? Like little orbs. It reminded me of that one time I went up to Mountain Lake with my mom. We used to stay in this cabin with a backyard, and I used to love going out and—”

He let out a strangled sound when he missed a step. Johnny caught him just as he was about to face-plant.

They stayed like that for a few seconds, Daniel’s hands clutched in his shirt, Johnny’s arm wrapped around his waist. He could feel Daniel’s every breath like a fiery exhale against his neck.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked, grabbing Daniel by the upper arm and straightening him up.

Daniel’s head wobbled a little, and then they were staring at each other.

“Anybody tell you that your eyes are blue like the sky?” Daniel asked, his hot breath brushing against Johnny’s chin.

It was so ridiculous, but it made Johnny’s stomach tighten all the same. He swallowed. “Come on. We’re almost there.”

Finally, they arrived to the guest bedroom. Well, it was supposed to be a guest room, but truthfully, it was just as luxurious as the rest of the house: opulent furniture, dark veneers, a large bed draped in burgundy. Moonlight filtered through the window, bathing the room in a silver glow.

He dragged Daniel inside, and dropped him on the bed. Then, he bent down and started removing his shoes. Daniel went very quiet, blinking at the ceiling with a sleepy expression on his face. He didn’t resist when Johnny swung his legs over the bed.

Johnny grabbed a waste basket from the corner of the room and placed it on the bedside table.

“In case you need to ralph,” Johnny said, sitting by Daniel’s hip.

Daniel’s eyes moved to the waste basket, but he stayed silent. Johnny held back a sigh.

“Try to get some sleep, okay?” Johnny said, and checked his watch. “I’ll wake you up in one hour.”

He waited for Daniel’s nod. He tensed his legs, ready to stand when Daniel caught him by the wrist.

“She was—” Daniel started, before swallowing. “She was annoyed that I asked her to come.”

Johnny didn’t move. His eyes searched for Daniel’s in the darkness, but Daniel had gone back to staring down at the bed sheet.

“Ali,” Daniel explained, as though it wasn’t clear. “She didn’t want to come, but I insisted.” He rolled his head sideway, so that he was looking at Johnny. He flexed his hand around Johnny’s wrist, before releasing him. “She doesn’t like that I spend so much time with you.”

Johnny breathed slowly. His heart was hammering in his chest.

“Why?”

“Because you two dated.”

“She didn’t have a problem before—”

“I think she’s jealous too,” Daniel said in a rush.

Johnny’s mouth snapped shut.

“She hates it when I talk about you. But I don’t know—I don’t see the problem. You’re my friend. So what if I talk about you from time to time. Isn’t that what friends do?”

Johnny was sure friends didn’t go around telling each other they had blue eyes like the sky.

“I don’t know,” Daniel continued without waiting for an answer. “Maybe I messed up. I wish there was some kind of rule book for these things.”

“Come on. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Daniel turned his head away, and he looked like a statue in the moonlight, with his parted lips and the straight line of his nose. Johnny traced over his features. “You can try to get her back tomorrow.”

Daniel bit his lip, but he didn’t answer. There was a dejected look on his face, and for a second, Johnny imagined himself cupping his cheek, turning the face back toward him. Their eyes would meet, a glimpse of heat in the darkness, a lingering moment and then maybe—

Johnny blinked fast, pulling himself out of the fantasy. What the hell was _that?_

“I’m not sure I want to,” Daniel said so quietly that Johnny wouldn’t have heard him if he hadn’t been staring at his lips.

“Yeah?” Johnny asked. Daniel nodded, and that’s when Johnny noticed how tired he looked. He tried to concentrate on that. “You should go to sleep.”

“Can you stay with me?”

The question was worded so softly that Johnny had to clench his fists to keep himself from covering Daniel’s hand. He took a deep breath.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Johnny said, low and rough.

Daniel stared at him a while longer. He nodded before turning over onto his stomach and burying his face into the mattress.

It took Johnny a few seconds to get moving. He grabbed a folded blanket from the foot of the bed and spread it over Daniel, making sure to cover him up to the shoulders. Then, he went to the corner of the room, and sank into the armchair.

Johnny watched him, his stomach tight with anxiety. The fantasy was still there, a persistent after-image engraved in his mind. What would he have done after their eyes had met?

It was a scary thought that took away any possibility of him also resting.

* * *

Later, when Johnny shook Daniel awake, Daniel squinted at him in the darkness, before groggily getting up. There were still people downstairs, but the music had died down to a low beat. Daniel mumbled his address when they got into the car.

The ride was silent. Johnny didn’t have to search long for South Seas Apartment, it was a run-down complex on Saticoy Street. He stopped in front of the gate, and threw the car into park. Daniel had dozed off, his head pressed against the windowsill, and his lips slightly parted.

“LaRusso,” Johnny said softly. When he didn’t move, Johnny shook his elbow. “Daniel.”

Daniel jerked awake. He looked around quickly, before relaxing into his seat.

“We’re here?” Daniel asked, his voice rough with sleep. He stared blearily out the window. After a while, he reached for his seatbelt and unbuckled it. Johnny watched as he placed his hand on the door handle and hesitated like he wanted to say something.

“Good luck,” Johnny said.

Daniel bit his lip. “Thanks.”

He got out, and went through the gate without once looking back.

* * *

Daniel was grounded for two weeks. He was expected to spend his free periods in study hall, and go straight home after school.

“And I have to write an essay about why alcohol is bad for me,” Daniel said, shoulders slumping.

They were in the lab again; today’s assignment consisted in isolating DNA from a plant. Johnny grabbed a handful of spinach, and started tearing them into small pieces. “The two weeks will be over before you know it.”

“I hope so,” Daniel said, leaning close to Johnny. “I don’t think I can handle staying cooped up for that long.”

Johnny continued to work on the assignment. It was the only way to keep his mind off the closeness of Daniel. He’d thought he could forget his fantasy from Friday night, but the weekend had only thrown fuel to the fire. He hadn’t thought about anything else.

Now, he ground up the spinach with a mortar and pestle. If Daniel noticed the angry movement, he didn’t say anything. Johnny grabbed a vial of protease and poured it into the mixture, before picking up the pestle again.

It took him a while to realize that Daniel was shifting back and forth in his seat, like he wanted to say something. Johnny was about to say _Spit it out, LaRusso_ when Daniel spoke up.

“I, uh,” Daniel said, before biting his lip. “I didn’t say anything embarrassing, right?”

Johnny stuttered to a stop. Daniel was staring at a piece of spinach in his hands, folding it around the edges. Johnny thought about the way Daniel had looked in the moonlight, the shape of his lips.

He swallowed thickly. “Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know,” Daniel said, shrugging. It was a careful movement. “I run my mouth in normal times, I can’t even imagine myself while drunk.”

Had Daniel noticed something? Johnny scrambled his mind to remember the small details. Had he been that obvious?

Daniel looked at him expectantly.

“No,” Johnny said.

Daniel’s eyes darted all over his face. Johnny kept a straight expression _(you didn’t do anything wrong, you were only looking)_ and eventually Daniel’s body relaxed.

“Okay, good. Good. Because I wouldn’t want to make a fool out of myself.”

Johnny didn’t know what to say. Daniel scratched his neck, before placing his elbows on the table and joining his hands together.

“Anyway, let’s get back to work. Do you know anything about DNA?”

It was a poor change of subject, but Johnny wasn’t going to call him out on it.

“DNA is a self-replicating material which is present in nearly all living organisms and is the main constituent of chromosomes,” Johnny said.

Daniel’s jaw went slack.

“That’s amazing. How did you know that?”

“What?” Johnny asked, raising his eyebrows. _Say it, say it, say it—_ “You thought I was only good looks and sky-blue eyes?”

Daniel’s face fell, and Johnny forced a smirk as he got up to get more protease from the counter. That ought to make their relationship go back to normal. Also, Daniel didn’t need to know that he’d learned the definition just to impress him.

Johnny was taking that secret to the grave.

* * *

Daniel had truly broken up with Ali. Johnny thought they’d get back together within the next few days, but Ali had returned to her group of friends. Johnny crossed her a few times in the hallway, and she gave him a pointed look. He had no idea what it meant.

Anyway, he had other things to care about, like how his relationship with Daniel was finally kicking off the ground. It seemed that night at the party had changed something between them. They were more open with each other, not afraid to tease and laugh. There was something else too.

Johnny wondered if Daniel remembered that night more than he let on, because he was suddenly acting differently. It was small things, like the way Daniel stole glances at him, when he didn’t think Johnny was looking, or the way he bit his lip when their hands brushed in the lab. Johnny didn’t think Daniel was even aware of it, but it was happening more often.

It made Johnny’s heart rate pick up every time. There was a feeling growing inside of him, getting stronger every day, and it scared him with its intensity. Johnny couldn’t make sense of it, and it didn’t help that Dutch was still hanging over his head. A constant litany of _When are you gonna ask Ali out, huh?_ and _What are you gonna do with LaRusso?_

Johnny wished he could tell Dutch to back off. But it wasn’t worth pissing him off, not when there were only seven weeks left until summer. For now, it was best to avoid being seen with Daniel altogether.

It was hard, especially when he found Daniel having lunch by himself for the third day in a row. Johnny bit his lip, and watched him take a bite of his sandwich, with his back hunched over a book. Johnny wished he could ask Daniel to join him, but he knew it wasn’t a good idea.

He mulled it over on his way to his table. Maybe he could make it up to Daniel by taking him out next week. But where would they go? What would they do? He thought of all the things that Daniel liked, the topics that he spent hours talking about, and an idea started to form in Johnny’s mind. It was a little “out there”, and it definitely needed some preparation… But it was doable. He just needed some help.

He spotted Bobby in the distance, and smiled. He knew exactly who to ask.

* * *

“Where are we going?” Daniel asked, as Johnny drove up the hill. He pressed on the gas a little harder on a difficult bump in the incline.

“Stop asking,” Johnny said for the third time.

The ride had taken longer than he’d expected. He’d picked up Daniel at around seven, just when the sun had been about to set. It was now eight o’clock—the sky had cleared and night had fallen, plunging the steep road into darkness.

Johnny breathed a sigh of relief when he finally saw the Topanga Overlook sign. He counted fifteen Mississippi’s under his breath until he came across a barely visible opening in-between the trees. He turned on the signal and pulled inside, arriving into a small clearing. He drove until he reached the spot that Bobby had told him about.

“How do I know you’re not going to kill me and dump my body?” Daniel asked.

Johnny threw the car in park, and smiled. “If I wanted to do that, I would have picked somewhere closer.”

Daniel aimed a punch at his shoulder and Johnny dodged it. He turned off the engine, and opened the car door. Daniel followed him out. The smell of evergreen was even stronger up on the mountain.

“Wow,” Daniel breathed, as he took in the view. He walked to the edge of the clearing, which was actually a cliff. They could see the entire of San Fernando Valley from where they stood. Johnny opened the trunk, took out two pairs on binoculars, a blanket.

“Come on,” Johnny said, laying the blanket on the hood of the car. He climbed on top and laid down. “I want to show you something.”

Daniel turned toward him. “I thought you didn’t like astronomy.”

“I don’t. It’s for nerds.” He smiled when Daniel narrowed his eyes. “But Bobby’s little sister loves it and she said there’s a meteor shower that’s supposed to happen in half an hour.”

“Really?” Daniel asked, and suddenly he looked excited. He hurried and bounced on top of the hood. Daniel never did things half-assed. He wedged himself fully against Johnny’s side, shoulder to shoulder, arm to arm, and then lay there quietly.

Johnny took a deep breath. The sky was beautiful at this time. It was a deep blue color, speckled with stars and no cloud in sight.

“It’s one of the things that always made me feel better,” Daniel said, before glancing at Johnny. “Stargazing. The sky is the one thing that never changes, no matter where you go.”

“You gonna give me an astronomy lesson?”

“Come on, I’m serious,” Daniel said, elbowing him.

Johnny chuckled. “Honestly, I never thought of it that way.”

Daniel shrugged against him. “You never had to move as much as I did.”

The meaning was clear, _You had it easy._

“You don’t know everything about me, LaRusso.”

“So you’re saying you weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth?”

“No, actually. I wasn’t.”

Something about his tone caught Daniel’s attention. He grew quiet.

Johnny licked his lips. “For one, I never knew my father. For the longest time, it was just me and my mom, living in shitty apartments. I only got into this life when she married my step-dad.” Daniel was still watching him. “And in case you’re wondering, he’s an asshole. He doesn’t think I’m good at anything.”

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said, and it sounded like he meant it. “I didn’t know that.”

Of course, he didn’t. Johnny was careful not to tell anyone, not to let anyone see past his facade. The only person who knew the full extent of Sid’s behavior was Bobby, and that’s because Johnny had showed up enough times on his doorstep for him to realize that shit went down when Sid hit the bottle.

“It’s because I don’t like talking about it,” Johnny said, hoping he didn’t have to say any more.

There was a silence, during which they both watched the sky. Here, away from the pollution and the crowd, it felt like they were the last two people on Earth.

“My father died when I was eight years old,” Daniel said, pulling Johnny out of his thoughts. His voice was hushed like he was afraid of breaking the stillness. “It was from a long illness, but it still felt sudden and unexpected. We were supposed to go to Coney Island the week after he passed. It was one of those things that we did every year.”

“I’m sorry,” Johnny said softly.

“Yeah,” Daniel said. “Who knew we had that in common, huh? Both of us missing father figures.”

“It explains why we found our place so easily in the dojo. You with Miyagi, me with...” Johnny trailed off.

He couldn’t even say the name. Just the thought of Kreese made his throat close up in memory. It was so stupid, but the fear had never left him—some nights, he still woke up in a cold sweat, phantom sensation around his neck. He could feel it now, his muscles tightening with every second that passed.

Daniel seemed to sense his inner turmoil, because he pressed his shoulder more firmly against Johnny’s.

“Hey, I’m right here,” Daniel said. Johnny turned his head to look at Daniel, trying to push down the panic. A warm hand wrapped around his wrist. “I’m right here.”

Maybe it was the words, or maybe it was the way Daniel was looking at him, soft eyes and rumpled clothes. But suddenly Johnny’s world tilted on its axis, a jarring sensation that shook him to the core, and the words that he’d been listening to every night, echoed in his head with renewed meaning.

_Fuck, we could have been more than friends._

Daniel, who knew what he’d been through, and who’d been there during one of the most defining moments in his life. Daniel, who made him smile and laugh. Daniel, who Johnny looked forward to spending time with every single day.

There was a feeling in Johnny’s chest, it was rising and rising, and it wasn’t panic anymore. It was bone-deep need, a yearning so strong it nearly bowled him over. He didn’t know what took over him in that moment.

He leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Daniel froze. It was a dry kiss, more of a firm push than anything else. After a few seconds, Johnny leaned back.

Daniel’s lips were slightly parted, and he looked surprised. Johnny’s heart was going to beat out of his chest, he had to clench his jaw to keep his teeth from clattering _(what did I just do, what did I do—)_ He waited for Daniel to say something, a mix of fear and anticipation simmering in his gut.

“Uh, Johnny—”

He sealed their lips again, before Daniel could say any more. This time, it was a real kiss. He moved his mouth against Daniel, willing him to reciprocate. _Come on, come on. Kiss me back._ His lips were burning, his entire body hot. If he was wrong, if he’d misread the signs—

Johnny was about to pull back, when he felt pressure on his lips, and a warm hand come up to cup his cheek. He wrapped an arm around Daniel’s waist and brought him closer, pressing their hips together. He let out a shaky breath through his nose, and brushed his tongue against Daniel’s lips, asking for permission.

Daniel parted his lips, and the heat of his mouth was intoxicating. Johnny flicked his tongue against Daniel’s slowly. He couldn’t believe what he was doing. It was so different from kissing a girl—the hard ridges of Daniel’s body, the easy confidence in his hands as he clutched Johnny’s shirt, bringing him closer. Their tongues brushing against one another, over and over again.

Five minutes later, when the meteor shower lit up the sky, they were too busy making out to see it.

* * *

Biology lesson was awkward the next day. Johnny’s stomach tight with nerves, Daniel avoiding his gaze. Johnny waited for Mrs. Almer to write something on the board, before brushing his knee against Daniel’s.

Daniel’s hand paused on his notebook, and he went very still. Johnny breathed, keeping his eyes fixed on the teacher’s back.

“Wanna hang out later?” Johnny asked under his breath.

His heart was racing in his chest. When he didn’t get a reply, Johnny glanced to the side. Daniel was chewing on his lower lip, his eyes trained on Johnny, pupils blown wide. They dropped to Johnny’s lips, before scattering away. He nodded.

They ended up driving the car to the same spot in the woods. This time, Johnny barely turned off the engine, before Daniel was yanking him into a kiss.

 _This isn’t normal,_ the little voice screamed inside his head, as he pushed his tongue into Daniel’s mouth. _You shouldn’t be doing this._

But he couldn’t stop. Not when Daniel was so _responsive,_ his entire body wired to Johnny’s touch. He let out a breathy moan when Johnny sucked on his lower lip, shivered when Johnny nibbled his way down his throat.

By the end of the week, they were having daily make-out sessions in the back of the Firebird.

Every night, Johnny went home and replayed the tape in his room.

Was he doing the right thing? Is this what future Johnny expected from him? He tried to imagine this other version of himself, a little more filled out with a wider chest, more wrinkles and a deeper voice. Would he be happy with Daniel? What kind of future would they have together?

Johnny knew that they couldn’t sneak around forever, but the good thing was that summer vacation was coming soon. Things would get easier for them after that, right? They’d finally be able to hang out all day, and go out whenever they wanted. Johnny wouldn’t need to justify anything to anybody, especially not to Dutch.

He tried really hard not to think about what would happen once summer was over.


	3. Dreams On Water

Before he knew it, a month had flown by, and they’d settled into a routine. Weekends were spent outdoors—sparring in Johnny’s backyard, playing soccer. Daniel made a worthy opponent: his leg had fully healed, and he was quick on his feet. Still, Johnny continued to be careful around him. He avoided Daniel’s knee during karate practice, and only cut him off from the right when he stole the ball.

If Daniel noticed, he didn’t say anything. Things were _good_ between them. They never talked about their relationship—too busy being swept away by the tide, but they had an understanding. They met up every day in a tangle of passion and need, and then parted ways, knowing that they’d do it again the next day.

Today, they were going to spend the afternoon at the lake. Johnny was running around the room, getting his duffel bag ready, when he heard the sound of heavy footsteps in the hallway. He paused, listening. That’s when he picked up on an angry muffled voice. Johnny wondered what Sid was pissed about this time.

He went to the door and cracked it open, just enough to see the back of Sid’s shoulders.

“—not going to make it anywhere. Look at the Tournament. How long was he practicing karate for? Four years? And he couldn’t even win a match against a crippled boy half his size.”

“Sid, please,” his mother said. “He can hear you. He tried really hard, you know that. He was practicing almost every day—”

“Well, apparently not hard enough. How much money have I wasted on his karate classes? It wasn’t cheap, and now the boy expects me to pay for his college tuition? What a joke. He’s better off becoming a second-rate Doug Henning than—”

Johnny clenched his jaw and closed the door. He went back to his bed, seething. Sid was such an asshole. So what if he’d paid for Johnny’s classes? The guy had more money than Fort Knox. Johnny’s movements were jerky as he shoved his tape in an inside pocket. Then, he stuffed his towel into the bag, zipping it up, before throwing it over his shoulder.

The next time he stuck his head out, Sid and his mom had left, but he could still hear their voices in the bedroom. He hurried down the hallway, down the stairs, and slammed the front door on his way out.

The drive to Daniel’s house was fast. When he arrived, Daniel was waiting for him at the gate of his house, wearing dark swimming trunks and a white t-shirt. He had a towel rolled up and wedged under his armpit.

“Hey,” Daniel said, as he climbed inside. He stretched his long legs into the foot-well, and cranked up the volume. They listened to REO Speedwagon all the way to the lake. Daniel made comments every now and then: about the sunny weather, the cute puppy that he saw trotting down the street, that cool diner he once went to with his mom.

It was a beautiful day to go swimming, the sun shining down on them, even as they got out of the car and walked to the shore.

Daniel kept darting glances in his direction, and Johnny didn’t know what it meant. It made him feel self-conscious. So, just as they arrived on the dock, he dropped his bag and shoved Daniel into the lake.

Johnny’s lips pulled into a smirk, when Daniel’s head burst through the surface, spluttering. “Oh, you’re dead meat.”

He lunged over the side of the dock, reaching for Johnny’s ankles. Johnny dived into the water, before Daniel could grab hold of him. They horsed around for a long time, splashing each other with water, laughing. It was a lot of fun, and Johnny could almost forget Sid’s words. He used every excuse to tackle Daniel in the water, wrapping his arms around his waist, and pressing their bodies together.

When they dragged themselves out of the water an hour later, they were exhausted, and their legs had turned to jelly. Johnny collapsed down on his towel, Daniel falling down next to him.

They panted at the sky. A quietness falling upon them, as they stared up at the cloudless sky. Daniel was unusually quiet, and that’s when Johnny realized that Daniel _knew_. He always knew when something was wrong, and he was giving Johnny a chance to talk about it.

Johnny licked his lips. “I overheard Sid telling my mom that he didn’t want to pay for my college tuition.”

Daniel turned his head toward Johnny. There was a short silence.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“Yeah,” Johnny said, his throat tightening up. “He always does this. Then, he waits for me to come crawling, and beg for him to give me what I want.”

Daniel bit his lip. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know. A part of me wants to say screw it. I don’t need him anyway.”

“You can get a job,” Daniel said, though there was something hesitant about his tone. “There are grants you can apply for. It’s what I was gonna do.”

Johnny looked at him, and Daniel flushed.

“We don’t all come from money.”

“Wait. Where are you going?”

“I don’t know yet,” Daniel said, shrugging. “I’m still looking.”

“Really? Mr. Perfect like you? I thought you would have picked a college already.”

“No,” Daniel said.

Johnny turned back toward the sky, his mind reeling with that piece of information. He chewed the inside of his cheek. An idea was blooming in his head, and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it before. Now, it was gaining the traction the longer he stayed silent.

_If only we’d talked..._

“We could—” Johnny started, before swallowing. “You know, look together.”

The silence that followed made him uncomfortable. Johnny kept his eyes trained on the sky, but felt Daniel move his face toward him, his breath hitting Johnny’s cheek.

“What?” Daniel said finally.

“College. We could look together for colleges, and then you know, if we find a good one, we can go... together.”

“You’re kidding me.” At Johnny’s silence, Daniel continued. “You’re not kidding. How would we even make it work?”

“We could both apply to the same colleges, and then pick the ones that accept us both.”

Daniel thought about it. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, and we could also share a dorm.”

This time, the silence lasted much longer. Johnny’s stomach was tight with nerves by now. He couldn’t take it anymore. He turned his face toward Daniel, only to find Daniel’s lips stretched in a shit-eating grin.

“You wanna be my roomie?” Daniel asked.

Johnny really hated him sometimes.

“Shut up,” Johnny said, smiling despite himself.

“Johnny wants to be my roomie,” Daniel said in a sing-song voice.

“Daniel, I’m warning you—”

“Johnny wants to be my roooomie. Johnny wants to be m—”

Johnny rolled over, and shut him up with a kiss. They made out for a while, Daniel flat on his back and Johnny leaning over him with an elbow by the head. Daniel tugged on his lower lip, and nudged him back with his forehead. “Hey, wait. There’s something I need to know first.”

“What?” Johnny said, biting his lip to keep himself from kissing Daniel again.

Daniel raised an eyebrow. “Are you finally gonna tell me what your top-secret major is gonna be?”

Johnny didn’t move. He stared down at Daniel, his heart beating in his throat. He hadn’t told Daniel, because he’d been too embarrassed. But at the same time, he’d never been so sure about anything in his life. Daniel seemed to realize it was a big deal because his smile slowly faded.

In a careful movement, Johnny placed his hand on Daniel’s chest, ran his fingers slowly down Daniel’s side, over his hips, his thighs, until he reached Daniel’s knee—

It was a gentle touch, almost reverent.

Johnny swallowed hard, and when he spoke, his voice was raspy.

“Physical therapy.”

The words hung between them, as they stared at each other. Somehow, it was a _sorry_ and _forgive me_ all at once. Daniel’s eyes traced all over his face like a caress, before focusing on his mouth. He buried a trembling hand in Johnny’s hair and pulled him into a kiss.

Daniel was always so warm. He wrapped his ankle around Johnny’s leg, and then they were full on making out. Johnny rolled fully on top of him, slotting their hips together. He gave him everything that he had, used all the tricks he’d learned to make Daniel melt into the ground. Johnny leaned back, breathing heavily.

“Is that a yes?” Johnny asked, low and rough.

Daniel’s eyes were glazed over, and Johnny loved him like this—spread out underneath him, his for the taking.

“Yeah,” Daniel breathed out, before pulling Johnny down for another kiss.

It was their first time making out in anything less than full clothes. Johnny ran his hand down Daniel’s ribs, feeling every ridge, every curve on his body. Daniel rolled his hips, and soon they were caught in a lazy grind. It took a moment for them to find the right rhythm, but once they did, they started to move their hips faster and faster.

It wasn’t long before they were both falling off the edge.

Afterward, as they lay panting on the shore, Johnny buried his face in Daniel’s throat, and just breathed.

* * *

They continued to go to the lake whenever they could. In beginning of May, Daniel’s uncle Louie came to town. Johnny hardly saw Daniel for a week, and it was like missing a limb. He found himself staring a little too much at Daniel during class, trying to steal touches here and there. _I miss you,_ he wanted to say. _I miss spending time with you._

The apologetic look on Daniel’s face told him that even though he hadn’t uttered the words, the message was delivered loud and clear.

When Daniel’s uncle finally left, it was Johnny’s turn to go AWOL. He got the stomach flu, and was housebound for three days. Johnny couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this miserable; stuck in bed, his body weak with cramps, away from the only person he wanted to see.

“It’s like the universe is trying to keep us apart,” Daniel joked, and Johnny’s stomach tightened.

“No, it’s not,” Johnny said, crowding him against the wall. It was his first day back to school, and they were in a classroom that Johnny knew was going to be empty for the next hour. Johnny connected their lips together, finally enjoying the taste of him. He pressed their hips together, feeling hardness against him.

Daniel let out a breathy moan. “We need to study.”

Johnny hummed. He kissed the corner of Daniel’s mouth, before making his way down his jaw, his throat. He pulled his shirt aside; there was still a faint mark from the hickey he’d given him the week before. Now, he sank his incisors into soft skin.

Daniel rolled his hips, and dropped his head sideways. “Seriously,” he said breathily. “Let’s study together after class.”

Johnny continued to suck softly, licking the skin and tugging it between his teeth. When he registered Daniel’s words, Johnny released him long enough to say, “Come to my house later.”

Daniel clenched a fist into Johnny’s shirt. He seemed to forget himself, as Johnny kissed him again. Their tongues meeting in a warm tangle, moving slowly against one another. After a moment, hands pushed against Johnny’s shoulders again. “No, we have to go to the library.”

Johnny leaned back, and stared at him, breathing. There was a determined set in Daniel’s jaw.

“Why?” Johnny asked.

“Exams are next week. If we want to go to a good college, we need to get our shit together.”

“Okay, so let’s go to my house,” Johnny said again.

Daniel raised an eyebrow. “Do you remember what happened last time I came over to study?”

Johnny couldn’t help the smirk that stretched his lips. They’d studied for thirty minutes and then spent an hour making out on the bed.

But his humor at the situation was quickly subdued by the look on Daniel’s face. Daniel really wanted to go to the library. Johnny didn’t think it was a good idea, but it was hard to say no to Daniel, especially when he looked like this—a mix of swollen lips and doe eyes.

Johnny let out a tired sigh.

“Fine.”

Daniel smiled, like he knew all along that Johnny was going to say yes. He kissed Johnny on the lips. “I’ve got math now, so I’ll meet you after class.”

* * *

Johnny started to get nervous during English lit. Until now, he’d done a good job at avoiding Daniel in the school halls. Daniel had never confronted him about it. He’d simply understood that it was the way things were. And now they were going to study at the library? Johnny couldn’t wrap his head around it. Why had he said yes? It was dangerous enough that they were sneaking around school, but for them to actually be _seen_ together—

“—the relationship between Lockwood and Heathcliff. How would you explain it, Mr. Lawrence?”

The mention of his name pulled him out of his thoughts. He blinked, and focused his attention on the teacher. What was the question?

“Uhh,” Johnny said, floundering for something to say, but coming up short.

He was pretty sure that if exams weren’t coming next week, the teacher would have slapped him with a detention. Now, she just raised an eyebrow and said, “Pay attention, please.”

Johnny nodded and dropped his gaze. He tried to concentrate harder during the rest of the lesson.

When the bell rang half an hour later, he got up and left the classroom like a man being taken to the gallows. He passed by his locker, and grabbed his biology textbook, before heading to the library. Things were going to be okay, he told himself. He just needed to keep his head down.

Nobody cared that Johnny Lawrence was suddenly studying at the library.

He stepped inside and nodded at the librarian, ignoring the way she frowned at the sight of him. Then, he made his way through the rows of table, his eyes searching through the swarm of bodies. It was pretty crowded for this time of the day, the students taking advantage of the last days of school to cram lessons together.

Johnny found Daniel in the last row. He was sitting in a corner table by himself, hunched over a book. Johnny stepped forward, ready to join him, when his eyes landed on a beach-blond head, and he froze.

It was Dutch. He was sitting three tables away from Daniel, looking bored out of his skull, as Barbara explained something to him in the textbook. For a split-second, Johnny considered bolting. They hadn’t seen him yet—but then Daniel’s head came up, eyes lighting up at the sight of him.

Johnny’s heart was going to beat out of his chest. He took a deep breath and forced his feet to move, one step after another. It was just his luck that Dutch peered up at that moment. He did a double take when he noticed Johnny, his frown deepening the closer he got.

He avoided Dutch’s gaze, and continued walking until he reached Daniel. He slid into a seat next to him, and fished the textbook out of his bag. Working on autopilot, he opened up his biology book, took out a pen, paper. He could feel Dutch’s eyes burning a hole into the back of his head.

“I thought we could study macromolecules first,” Daniel said in a low voice. Johnny grunted, and turned to the chapter in question. He put pen to paper, and started writing down the first definition he came across.

 _Lipids are a class of compounds characterized by their solubility in nonpolar solvents and insolubility in water_ _…_

Daniel perused the rest of the chapter with a crease in his forehead. “There’s an entire part on the next page that we didn’t study in class. I asked around, and it didn’t come up in the past years, so it could very well be on the exam.”

Johnny’s neck burned, as he continued to write down definitions.

“Do you think we might get two essay questions instead of one?” Daniel asked, finally looking at him. “I’ve heard Mrs. Almer is fond of those...” He trailed off.

He’d noticed something was wrong. Johnny could tell by the sudden silence. Daniel glanced around, before shifting closer.

“Hey, are you okay?” Daniel asked, placing a hand around Johnny’s wrist.

Johnny jerked out of his grasp. “Yeah, let’s just focus on the lesson.”

He kept his attention on the textbook. From the corner of his eye, he saw Daniel’s hand turn into a fist. He stared at Johnny a while longer before leaning back. “Okay,” he said quietly.

Johnny tried to calm down his racing heartbeat. They studied in silence after that.

Fifteen minutes later, Johnny finally plucked up the courage to glance over his shoulder. The table was empty. Dutch and Barbara had left.

* * *

The next morning, Johnny woke up with a pit in his stomach. He was so anxious that he had to force himself out of bed. He washed up, got dressed and went downstairs. Sid had already left, so he had breakfast alone with his mom.

“Aren’t you excited that it’s your last day of school?” she asked, pouring herself some orange juice.

“Yeah,” Johnny replied, when in reality he just wanted it to be over.

He arrived to school ten minutes early, and met with Jimmy and Bobby at the usual spot. They talked about their plans for the weekend, compared how far they’d advanced in their studying. Tommy showed up a few moments later, quickly followed by Dutch. Johnny tried to act normal, but it seemed Dutch hadn’t forgotten about the day before. He hardly smiled, only flashing his teeth when Tommy asked him about his car.

Johnny scuffed his shoe against the ground, avoiding his gaze, and only breathed a sigh of relief when the bell rang, signaling the beginning of first period.

Classes were boring, and consisted mostly of prepping for the exams. Johnny had to listen to the same advice all morning, _Take your time_ and _Read the questions carefully._ At lunch time, Johnny went to empty his bag in the locker, and ran into Counselor Higgins. She asked him about whether he’d applied to any colleges yet, and gave him a few pamphlets to check out.

By the time Johnny arrived to the lunch hall, it was quarter past one and the only seat available was facing Dutch.

He tightened his grip on his tray and headed toward the table. He slid into the chair, careful to keep his eyes trained on his food. Tommy and Jimmy were talking animatedly about girls, and Bobby was on Johnny’s left, hunched over a math book. Johnny picked up his fork, and tuned into the conversation.

“—always works on the ladies,” Tommy said. “Remember that one time we went to the beach. There was that hot girl with the blond hair—”

“The one with the green eyes?” Jimmy asked.

“I flashed my dimples _once_ at her, and then I had her in the palm of my hand. I probably would have gotten her if it weren’t for Goldilocks over here.”

“Are you sure about that?” Jimmy asked, smiling in amusement. “I don’t recall her even talking to you.”

“We didn’t need to talk. I could see it in her eyes.” He dipped his head in Johnny’s direction. “Right, Johnny? She was into me first, right?”

Johnny moved the food around his plate, and shrugged.

“Of course you’re not gonna admit it,” Tommy said. “Dutch? Man, you gonna back me up here?”

Dutch shoved a forkful of chicken into his mouth, and didn’t answer. The guys went quiet, as though they’d just realized that something was wrong.

“So…” Jimmy said, clearing his throat. “I met a sweet girl at the country club.”

“Sweet, huh?” Tommy said slowly. He turned his attention to Jimmy. “You’re making her sound like my grandma.”

Jimmy smiled. “Nah, man. She was amazing. I met her right after the dance, just as they were serving the food...”

Her name was Jenny, and from the way Jimmy spoke about her, she sounded like an angel that had graced the earth. He went on and on about her. If Johnny hadn’t known better, he would have thought his friend was possessed.

“So, when are you going to see her again?” Tommy asked, when he was done waxing poetry about her.

“Next Friday,” Jimmy said, his shoulders deflating. “She needs to study for exams.”

“Yeah, I haven’t gone out with Susan in nearly two weeks now,” Tommy said, frowning down at his plate. He turned to Dutch. “What about Barbara? Have you been seeing her?”

“Almost every night,” Dutch replied.

“Really?” Tommy asked, and the jealousy was audible in his voice.

“Yeah, her parents don’t care.”

Tommy sighed, and continued to bemoan his situation. Johnny chewed on a wedge of potato, only half-listening. He had too many things on his mind to care about whether Tommy was getting laid or not.

He let his eyes roam over the area, thinking about what he was going to do with Dutch. It was by chance that his eyes landed on a small figure entering the lunch hall. It was Daniel, dressed in jeans and a checkered shirt. Their eyes caught for a second, Daniel’s lips stretching into a smile.

Johnny’s nostrils flared, and he dropped his eyes—but not fast enough.

Dutch had noticed.

He slowly put down his fork, glancing between the two of them. Johnny willed down the flush that was rising in his cheeks, and took another bite of potato. The following silence was heavy with tension.

“You know,” Dutch said, turning to Tommy. “I went over to Barbara’s house the other night. Her parents were out of town.”

“Yeah?” Tommy asked, getting excited again. “Did you guys fool around?”

“We did at first,” Dutch said in a casual voice. “But then we got interrupted by her older brother.”

“Oh, I think I met him once. Isn’t he the guy with the ponytail?”

“I’ve never met him,” Jimmy chimed in.

“Yeah, he’s kinda special,” Dutch said, his eyes snapping to Johnny. “Have you met him, Johnny?”

Johnny looked up, his heart racing in his throat. He didn’t say anything.

“Dutch,” Bobby said in warning, and it was his first time speaking since Johnny had arrived.

“I don’t get it,” Jimmy said, frowning. “What’s wrong with Barbara’s brother?”

“If you took one look at him, you’d know,” Dutch said, and there was a malicious glint in his eye. “You can tell from a mile away. It’s in the way he talks, the way he walks.”

“Wait,” Tommy said, slowly getting it. “Are you telling me he’s…”

“Yup,” Dutch said, popping the _p._ “Coming to think about it, he reminds me a lot of LaRusso.” He glanced over his shoulder, before looking at Johnny. “What do you think, Johnny? You think Danielle’s a fucking fa—”

Johnny lunged across the table, and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, yanking him until Dutch was in his face. Silence fell across the tables nearby. Johnny bared his teeth, breathing hard. They were so close, their noses only a few inches from each other. A hand grabbed his elbow.

“Johnny,” Bobby said in an urgent voice. “Let go.”

But he couldn’t. It felt like his hands were stuck in cement, and his jaw was glued shut. Dutch’s lip was curled in anger, though there was something satisfied about his expression, like the cat that ate the canary.

Bobby pulled his elbow again, this time harder, and Johnny had enough peripheral vision to see the principal entering the lunch hall. He released Dutch, letting him fall back.

Dutch sat back down and picked up his fork, like nothing had happened.

“I told you guys he was a faggot,” Dutch said, and it was the killing blow.

Johnny staggered back from the table, like he’d been punched in the gut. Tommy and Jimmy were staring at Dutch with shocked expressions, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned on his heel and ran. Bobby called after him, but Johnny ignored him.

He headed down the hall, his steps becoming quicker and quicker until he found himself barging into the closest bathroom. There was a short kid taking a piss in one of the urinals.

“Scram,” Johnny growled.

The kid’s eyes widened. He hurried to zip up and scurried out of the bathroom. Johnny buried his fingers in his hair, pacing back and forth, his entire body shaking. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. The words coming out of Dutch’s mouth, directed at _him—_ the implication that everybody knew. Had they been talking about him behind his back?

There was the sound of footsteps at the door. He stopped in his tracks and turned around.

It was Daniel. He locked the door behind himself, and zeroed in on Johnny.

“What happened?” Daniel asked, drawing closer. There was a soft crease in-between his eyebrows.

Johnny clenched his fists, breathing hard. He couldn’t look at Daniel without thinking about the words that Dutch had said.

“Nothing,” Johnny said, low and rough.

Daniel raised his eyebrows.

“That wasn’t nothing,” Daniel said, pointing at the door. “For a moment there, you looked like you were going to beat the shit out of Dutch.”

Johnny bared his teeth, and started pacing again. Dutch’s words replaying over and over in his head. It was his fault. He should have been more careful. Instead, he’d been stupid, reckless.

“Did something happen with him?” Daniel asked, watching him go back and forth. “Did he say something? If you tell me, maybe I can help you—”

“You can’t help me.”

“Why not _—_ ”

“Because you can’t!” Johnny exploded. He stopped moving, his breath coming out in pants. Sometime, in the past five minutes, the shock had turned to anger, and he could feel it growing inside of him like a cancer. Now, he took a jerky step toward Daniel. “What are we doing, huh?”

Daniel didn’t understand the question. He glanced around the bathroom, before focusing on Johnny. “What?”

“You and me,” Johnny said in a hard voice. “Sneaking around. Going behind everybody’s back. What is this—this _thing_ between us, huh? We’re sitting here, making plans to—what? Go to college together?”

There was pause, during which Daniel stared at him in disbelief.

“Hey, you’re the one who asked me,” Daniel said, the first traces of anger appearing in his voice. “I didn’t come up with the idea.”

“Because I thought we actually had a chance of _working_.”

“And now you don’t?” Daniel snapped.

“No, because look at you!” Johnny yelled. “God, you’re so transparent, with your stupid bambi eyes. You’re always _looking_ at me. Probably half the school’s noticed by now.”

Daniel’s lips were trembling. “You’re such an asshole.”

“No, I’m not the asshole here. You’re the one who needs to stop acting like some kind of lovesick idiot.”

Johnny clamped his jaw shut, as the last words echoed around them. In the following silence, the only sound left was their loud breathing.

“You know what?” Daniel asked, his lip curling in anger. “Go to college, don’t go to college. I don’t care anymore. You’re on your own.”

He turned and unlocked the door in one jerky movement, his entire body shaking. He didn’t say anything else, just slammed the door on his way out.

Johnny let out a shaky breath. He took a step back and rubbed a hard hand over his face. He’d thought he’d feel better, that all he needed to do was let it all out.

Instead, he felt like shit.


	4. Future Of Us

Johnny had picked the worst possible time to pick a fight with Daniel. There were only two days left until exams, and he really needed to get his shit together. He’d already done a bulk of the memorization the week before, but he still had a few glaring deficiencies in some subjects.

He spent all over Saturday morning, studying in his room. He went through his math textbook, and memorized a few equations, did some exercises. Then, he moved onto econ. He cycled through his textbooks. Every time his thoughts drifted back to dark eyes, he huffed a breath and moved onto the next subject.

He was re-reading the same sentence for the third time in a row, when he heard someone knock on the door.

“I’m studying,” Johnny called out with his fingers buried in his hair. He was going to start pulling it any second now. He expected an _Okay, good luck honey,_ but what he got instead was a sarcastic—

“I sure hope you are.”

Johnny jerked up in his seat, his heart beating in his throat. He got up quickly, went to the door and opened it.

It was Bobby. He stood in the hallway with a bag over his shoulder and a quirk in his lips.

“Your mom let me in,” Bobby said, shrugging. “I thought you could use the help.”

Johnny stared at him. They hadn’t talked since what had happened in the cafeteria. What was he doing here? It took a moment for Johnny to snap out of his daze. He swallowed thickly.

“Yeah, sure,” Johnny said, stepping aside. “Come in.”

Bobby nodded and headed directly for Johnny’s desk. Johnny stayed behind, agonizing on whether or not he should shut the door. He finally decided to leave it open a crack. When he turned around, Bobby was already sitting in a chair.

“Sit,” Bobby said, as he pointed to his side. Johnny took a deep breath, and did as he was told. He moved a chair from the corner of the room and sat down, making sure there was at least a foot between them.

Bobby took out his books, a pen, some paper. “So, what have you reviewed until now?”

“Uhh,” Johnny trailed off. Bobby raised an eyebrow, and Johnny thought back. “American History, Econ… Math.”

“English Lit?” Bobby asked.

Johnny made a face. Bobby nodded, and grabbed his copy of Wuthering Heights. He leaned back into his seat.

“Okay, how about we go over the plot first?” Bobby asked.

Johnny took out his own book. Bobby started asking him questions about the story, testing his knowledge. Johnny answered in a daze, a part of him still not understanding what Bobby was doing here. He could still hear Dutch’s words in his head. Could remember the shock he’d felt at hearing them.

Bobby didn’t show any indication that it was on his mind. If anything, he seemed fully absorbed in the lesson. He’d moved on to talk about the central themes in the book.

“—it’s rooted in the nostalgia of their childhood, and you can see as the story unfolds, that all the other examples of love are diminished in comparison. Like when Catherine is dying, and Heathcliff goes to visit her—”

Johnny swallowed, as Bobby continued talking. He readjusted his grip on his book, the palms of his hands damp with sweat. He needed to say something. He couldn’t just stay like this, pretending like nothing had happened.

“—so when she says she could as soon forget Heathcliff as her existence, it’s actually a way for her to say that—”

“What are you doing here?” Johnny blurted out.

Bobby’s mouth snapped shut, and the room went silent. He stared at Johnny for a beat, before lowering his book.

“What do you mean?” Bobby asked, but he knew exactly what Johnny meant.

Johnny could have dropped the subject then and there. Bobby was clearly giving him an out, a chance to wipe the slate clean. But Johnny needed to talk about it.

“After what happened on Friday,” Johnny said past the lump in his throat. He felt like he’d swallowed glue. “You heard what Dutch said, what he called me.”

Bobby’s eyes dropped to the book, and he traced his finger over the cracked spine. Then, he shrugged. “I don’t know. I just don’t think it’s a big deal.”

Johnny took a deep breath, then another.

“So, you don’t care that I might be a…” He trailed off.

_Coward. You can_ ’ _t even say the word._

Bobby shrugged again, and now he looked more uncomfortable. He peered up beneath his eyelashes. “Johnny, you’re still my friend. It doesn’t make a difference to me if you like guys or girls.”

“And the others?” Johnny asked.

Bobby bit his lip. “Jimmy is okay, and Tommy needs some time.”

Johnny nodded, and finally looked away. He didn’t expect Tommy to be okay with it, but it still hurt to think that his friend needed time.

“We all agreed on one thing though. What Dutch told you at the cafeteria,” Bobby said, shaking his head. “That was out of line. He shouldn’t have said that.”

Johnny hummed. He stared down at his book, scratching the cover with his nail. He wanted to ask something else…

“What?” Bobby asked, sensing that there was more.

“So you’re not afraid of me?” Johnny asked.

Bobby frowned. “Why would I be afraid?”

“You’re not afraid that I’ll...” Johnny swallowed. He made a vague gesture with his hand. “Hit on you or something?”

It was one of Johnny’s biggest worries. But now as the words hung between them, he realized how _stupid_ he sounded. Bobby stared at him, and then his lips twitched, stretching into a smile. Soon, his chest was shaking with laughter.

“Do you hear yourself sometimes?” Bobby asked, and Johnny’s face went hot.

“Shut up.”

Bobby laughed harder. “You? Hit on me?” He shoved Johnny in the shoulder. “Yeah, right. You’re forgetting that I can kick your ass.”

“ _Excuse_ me?”

“You heard me.”

“I’m the one who made it to the finals three years in a row.”

“So you think that makes you better than me?”

Johnny was about say _uh huh_ , when he saw Bobby’s eyes dance with mischief. He recognized the look from a mile away. He tensed his legs, ready to bolt, when Bobby lunged out of his seat, and caught Johnny’s head in his armpit. Johnny grunted and tried to shake him off, but Bobby hung around his neck like a monkey.

“Cry mercy!” Bobby said, laughing. Johnny let out a strangled sound. He scrabbled for purchase and fastened his hands around Bobby’s arms.

“I’ll show you mercy alright,” Johnny said. In a quick move, he titled sideway and elbowed Bobby in the gut. Bobby released him, and they were suddenly caught in an impromptu wrestling match, scuffling back and forth, trying to one-up each other—it was so _ridiculous._ But Johnny ended up winning, laughing so hard that his sides started hurting.

When they finally calmed down, they wiped the sweat off their foreheads and got to their feet. They returned to the desk, and things were much more relaxed after that. They talked about the book for another hour.

At two o’clock, they went downstairs and ate sandwiches that Johnny’s mom had prepared for lunch. They talked about school, what they were going to miss, who they never wanted to see again. Bobby asked Johnny if he’d started applying to colleges, and Johnny went quiet. Bobby’s eyes softened and he changed the subject. Afterward, they went back upstairs and continued to study.

On Sunday, Bobby showed up earlier in the morning, and they got to cram in more lessons, with a few breaks in-between. They were even more productive than the day before.

Before Bobby left, he gave Johnny a one-armed hug at the front door.

“Don’t worry,” Bobby said. “Everything will be okay.”

Johnny didn’t know if Bobby was talking about the exams or this thing with Daniel. In any case, he hugged Bobby back, grateful to have such an amazing friend.

When Bobby released him, Johnny felt stronger, and more grounded.

He felt he could do this.

* * *

The exams spanned four days, and Johnny’s body was on high alert the entire time. He stopped waiting for the guys in front of school, just headed directly inside the moment he parked the car. The few times he crossed Dutch, they avoided each other’s gaze. The week was stressful enough, and there was unspoken agreement not to give each other any shit.

Things would have been fine if Johnny hadn’t felt like the entire universe was suddenly conspiring against him.

He saw Daniel— _everywhere._ On his way to the bathroom, in front of the vending machine, in line at the cafeteria. Even during the biology exam, their tables were lined next to each other, like some kind of cosmic joke.

Every time their eyes caught, they stared at each other for a few seconds, until one of them finally turned away. Johnny tried to push down the guilt, the self-recrimination, and refocus on his exams. The days passed in a haze of lined papers, number two pencils, and ticking clocks. He powered through the subjects, telling himself that he could worry about Daniel once it was over.

The last time Johnny saw him was on the last day of exams. He’d just wrapped up English Lit, and was going over his answers with Bobby, when Johnny noticed him from afar.

Daniel was leaning against a car, chatting with a blond-haired girl. He was waving his hands around, the same way he always did when he was telling a story. Johnny stopped in the middle of the parking lot, just as Daniel looked up. Their eyes connected, and Daniel’s smile died a little. The girl touched Daniel’s elbow, and he snapped back to the conversation, smile firmly back into place. Johnny went home with a knot in his belly.

That night, he tossed and turned in bed for one hour, before falling asleep.

He dreamed that he lost the tape—one moment he was looking at it in the palm of his hand; the next, it just vanished into thin air. He looked for it everywhere, in his duffel bag, in his nightstand, closet, under the bed. But the more he searched for it, the slower his steps became.

Until he was standing in the middle of the room, forgetting what he was looking for in the first place.

* * *

The weather was bright and sunny, but Johnny was too busy moping in bed. His mix tape had long since finished playing, and he was too lazy to rewind it. It had been a week since exams had finished, and he had yet to do anything productive. Good thing Bobby had his younger cousins over from Atlanta, or else Johnny didn’t doubt he’d be banging at the door, demanding that Johnny get his ass moving.

Johnny stared at the ceiling. He knew he couldn’t stay in bed forever, but he didn’t know what else to do. Daniel was still on the forefront of his mind. Johnny wondered once again whether he should go over to Daniel’s place, and apologize. But then what? What would happen afterward? He considered listening to the tape again for an answer, but he’d heard it so many times that he could recite the words in his sleep.

He rolled his head sideways, and checked the clock. Still one hour until lunch.

“Johnny,” he heard his mom’s voice. Johnny blew out a long breath. If she suggested one more time that he water the plants, he was going to lose it.

“What,” Johnny said.

“Come down here,” she said. Johnny closed his eyes, wishing she would just stop. He didn’t want to do anything. When was she going to understand that? He just wanted to stay in bed, and waste away in boredom until—”You got a letter from school.”

His eyes snapped open. Wait— _what?_ He ripped off his earphones, jumped out of bed, before racing out of the room. By the time he arrived downstairs, his mother had already opened the envelope. He snatched it out of her grip, and unfolded the paper with shaking fingers.

His eyes took in the information, lightning quick, and he let out a surprised breath.

He’d passed.

_All_ of the exams.

His mom smiled, and hugged him from the side. “Honey, that’s amazing,” she said, beaming with pride.

“I can’t believe it,” Johnny breathed out.

“Why not? I always knew you were smart.” She squeezed his shoulder one last time. “How about we go celebrate? We can go out for lunch. Sid will be home in a few hours—”

“No,” Johnny cut her off, and she went quiet. He bit his lip. “I’m sorry. Can we just—can we do it tonight? I have something I need to do.”

Her gaze sharpened, but she didn’t ask for details. “Okay, sure. Tonight then.”

Johnny leaned forward and hugged her quickly. “Thank you,” he said, and then he was running upstairs.

He went inside his room, and looked at the transcript again, still not believing it. This was actually happening. He’d gotten the grades, and they were _good_ —better than anything he could have expected. Suddenly, the future didn’t seem so bleak.

This time, when Johnny thought about Daniel, it was different. It was with a hope that he hadn’t felt in long time. _They could do this._ He scanned the room quickly, and made a split-second decision.

He stuffed the letter in his back pocket and started to pack his duffel bag: his Walkman, the tape, his wallet and keys. At the last moment, he snatched a pair of swimming trunks and towel, stuffing them into the bag. They could celebrate at the lake afterward.

Daniel’s house was only ten minutes away, but the ride felt like forever. Halfway through, he stopped at a red light, and a loud car passed by. Windows open, music blaring out, as the young passengers screamed with joy. Johnny laughed, and honked his horn along with them.

When he finally arrived to Daniel’s place, he was shaking with so much excitement, he was going to vibrate out of his skin. But as he slowed down in front of the complex, the smile on his lips faded.

Lucille was in the driveway, and she was packing a large suitcase in the trunk of the car.

“What the—” Johnny said under his breath. He climbed out of the car, swinging the duffel bag over his shoulder.

“What’s going on?” Johnny asked, approaching her. “Where’s Daniel?”

She glanced over her shoulder, frowning. When she saw it was him, her lips pulled into a frayed smile.

“Oh, Johnny,” Lucille said, before returning to the trunk. She slotted the bag into place. “Still inside. Could you please go tell him to hurry up? We need to be out in five minutes.”

What the hell was she talking about? He opened his mouth, but she’d already picked up the next suitcase, packing it into the trunk.

Johnny closed his mouth, and took a step back, then another. He went through the gate, and with every footfall that slapped the earth, his steps became quicker, quicker, until he was all but running up the stairs. The door of Daniel’s apartment was already open.

Johnny burst inside, his body going cold. All the furniture had gone. The picture frames, the rugs, the shelves.

Daniel stood in the middle of the empty room with his back to Johnny.

“What’s going on?” Johnny asked.

Daniel jumped and turned around, a flash of guilt flitting across his face. It was quickly brought under control.

“I’m sorry, Johnny,” Daniel said, clenching his fists. “I have to go.”

And then he was actually heading for the door. Johnny dropped his bag on the floor and moved in front of him. “No, wait. What? Where are you going?”

Daniel’s jaw tightened. “My mom got a job at Fresno.”

“Fresno?” Johnny asked. “What? No. You can’t just leave.” He blinked fast, trying to understand. “Is this about what happened the other day? It was a stupid fight. I came here to say I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“It’s not about the fight.”

“Then, what is it?” Johnny asked, his voice becoming louder. Daniel looked away. “I’m sorry about what I said. Please believe me. I was stupid. I was really really stupid. We can talk about it. You don’t need to leave.”

“Too late,” Daniel said, his eyes connecting with Johnny’s. “I already told my mom I was going.”

He tried to pass again, but Johnny pushed him back. “Tell her you can’t anymore.” Daniel ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. Why wasn’t he _listening?_ “You can stay at my house, okay? I have an extra room. You can stay there, until we figure out what to do.”

“Johnny—”

“No, look,” Johnny cut him off. He took the papers out of his back pocket and waved them in Daniel’s face. “I passed all my exams. I passed them all, okay? Look, I even got an A- in biology. We don’t need to worry about which college we go to. We can still go. We can share a dorm—”

Daniel dropped his hand. His eyes looked sad.

“Daniel—”

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said, as he finally pushed his way outside.

_No, no, no_ —

Just as Daniel walked by, Johnny grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a kiss. It was desperate and raw, and full of unsaid words.

_Maybe if I show him how much I care. Maybe then he won’t go._

He released Daniel’s lips and pressed their foreheads together, their breaths mingling. He could feel Daniel’s heartbeat against his chest, Daniel’s hand fisting into his shirt.

“Please, don’t go,” Johnny said, his voice breaking.

Daniel’s lips parted, his breath heavy and hot. He looked into Johnny’s eyes. For a moment, Johnny thought that he’d gotten through to him. Daniel tightened his grip in Johnny’s shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel croaked, before taking a step back and walking out.

Johnny felt like the wind had been knocked out of his lungs. He fell back against the wall, breathing hard. This was all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. They were supposed to _be_ together.

He scrambled his mind for a way to convince Daniel. Johnny needed to find a way, he needed to find something. He couldn’t just let Daniel _leave—_

He let out a sharp breath, when an idea hit him. He ran to his duffel bag and opened it, feeling around until his hands connected with a familiar object.

“Wait!” Johnny yelled out, getting up and running out of the apartment. Daniel was walking faster down the stairs and toward the gate.

“Johnny, stop it,” Daniel said over his shoulder. “I told you I’m leaving.”

“No, please wait,” Johnny said, catching up with him. He pulled Daniel back by his sleeve.

Daniel whipped around. His lips were curled in anger, and his eyes red-rimmed.

“What?” Daniel whisper-yelled.

“Take this,” Johnny said, pushing the tape into his chest. Daniel’s expression turned from anger to bewilderment.

“Come on, Daniel!” Lucille called out. “We’re ready to go.”

Daniel glanced over his shoulder, but Johnny grabbed him and dug the tape deeper into his chest.

“No, look at me. Take it, and listen to it, okay?” Johnny said urgently. “It’ll explain everything.”

His breath was coming out in short puffs, his entire body hard with desperation. He tried to express with his eyes how important it was. He needed Daniel to take the tape. He _needed_ him—

_Please take it. Please, please, please._

Daniel stared at the tape, then at Johnny. He jutted his jaw forward. After what felt like an eternity, he snatched it from his hand.

“Fine.”

And then he was turning around and walking away. Johnny watched with a heavy heart, as he climbed into the car. He didn’t look once at Johnny, just stared straight in front of him.

The car revved up and soon it was rolling away from the curb, disappearing from view.

Johnny’s throat closed up as the reality of the situation slammed into him. With shaky legs, he walked back into the apartment and collapsed on the floor. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He covered his face, as tears rose in his throat, hot and burning. The next thing he knew, he was choking on them.

Daniel had left. He was gone.

He thought of Daniel’s expression after he’d given him the tape. The wariness in his eyes, the tight set in his jaw. A sob ripped out of Johnny’s chest. Something told him that Daniel wasn’t going to listen to the tape.

It was a feeling so strong that he couldn’t shake it off. No matter how hard he tried to push it away.

I messed up everything, Johnny thought.

_I messed up._

* * *

**_2018_ **

_I messed up._

Johnny woke up with a start. Sitting in his armchair, his chest heaving and the back of his shirt soaked with sweat. He sagged back into his seat and stayed like that for a moment, trying to catch his breath.

What the fuck was that? He buried a shaky hand in his hair. It had felt so _real._ Daniel, the empty apartment. The helplessness. He could still taste the salt on his lips, feel Daniel’s heart against his.

It was the most fucked up dream he’d ever had. Johnny closed his eyes, and scrambled his mind to find out what else he could remember. They were fighting, but over what? Johnny had gotten good news, and he’d gone over to Daniel’s house to share it. Instead, he’d found Daniel about to leave, and Johnny had been so desperate for him not to.

_Please don_ ’ _t go._

He could still feel the words at the back of his throat. The burning pain in his chest, like his heart was ripping in two. Daniel had left anyway. He’d walked out of the apartment and gotten into the car, without once looking back. But not before Johnny had given him—

Johnny’s eyes flew open. The tape. He’d given Daniel the goddamn tape. He searched for the Walkman and found it wedged between his thigh and the armchair. He pulled it out and with shaking hands, opened the slot. His heart stopped.

It was empty.

He blinked fast, trying to understand. It was right there—he’d seen it with his own eyes. He leaned forward to check the floor, when there was a knock on the door.

Johnny froze. He looked around the room quickly, but he wasn’t expecting anyone. He got up slowly, hearing the distant sound of the Walkman falling off his lap. He walked to the door, his shoes muffled against the carpet.

Another knock, this time more urgent. Johnny grabbed the handle, and swung the door wide open.

It was Daniel. There was a stricken look on his face.

“I heard the tape,” Daniel said.

Johnny held his breath.

Daniel took a step forward. “I— I heard the tape. After I went to Fresno. Is this the moment you made it?” His eyes scanned the room, before landing on the Walkman on the floor. “Johnny—”

He extended his arm, and Johnny jerked back. He was breathing hard now.

There was a thread in his mind, the end of it dangling within the confines of his consciousness. He pulled on it, slowly at first, until it started unraveling, spinning out of control—all at once, the rest of his memories came rushing back.

High school. The locker room. Biology. The party. Stargazing. Dutch. The fight.

Like the world was breaking down and recreating itself in the span of a second.

“I told Amanda after I saw you at the dealership,” Daniel was still talking. “I told her what—what happened between us.” His face contorted in anguish. “Johnny—”

“Don’t,” Johnny said, and the words felt like shards of glass in his throat.

“Please,” Daniel said, coming closer.

“Daniel, don’t—”

In one swift movement, Daniel cupped his jaw, and pressed their foreheads together. Johnny fastened his grip on Daniel’s shoulders, baring his teeth. He could remember the body like it was yesterday. The lean muscle underneath his fingertips, the sharp angles of his collarbone.

“Do you remember?” Daniel whispered, his breath hot against Johnny’s lips.

Johnny closed his eyes, and nodded. He remembered—lazy make-out sessions in the back of the Firebird, their bodies melding together like two halves of one whole. Movie marathons on Daniel’s living room rug, their feet tangling under a blanket. Lying in bed for hours with their arms around each other, talking about the future.

As time had passed, the memory had slipped from his mind, like sand sifting through his fingers. He’d let go of the tape, and he’d forgotten. Now, he focused on Daniel’s face, so close to his.

“I’m so sorry,” Daniel said in a low voice, and it was just the two of them, alone in the world. Holding hands, as they stared at the dark blue sky. “I’m so sorry.”

Johnny breathed. He should have been angry. He should have yelled and cursed and fought. But all he could feel was his heart singing—

_Daniel, Daniel, Daniel._

He surged forward and sealed their lips together. Daniel let out a grunt, but opened his mouth immediately. Johnny clasped his arms around his waist and poured all his desperation into the kiss.

Daniel used to kiss like he fought—hard, fast, messy. Now, his mouth stayed soft underneath Johnny’s, steady stroke of his tongue like he meant to lick over Johnny’s wounds. Johnny moaned brokenly.

He dropped his hands to Daniel’s waist, and pulled his shirt out of his pants, wanting to reach skin. He felt Daniel’s sides, up to his ribs, and then back. Then, he was unbuttoning the front of Daniel’s shirt. Daniel helped him, shrugging it off his back, and kicking off his shoes. Eager hands pulled at Johnny’s clothes, and soon they were stripping their way to the bedroom.

They kissed and kissed, uncovering each piece of clothing, one by one. Rediscovering Daniel’s body was something else. The softness of his skin, the curve of his back. He was taller, so much taller. Johnny didn’t have to tilt his head to kiss him anymore.

“I haven’t done this in a long time,” Daniel said in-between kisses.

“Good,” Johnny rasped. He pushed Daniel on the bed, and then climbed on top to kneel between his legs. Johnny dipped in for a kiss just as he took hold of his cock.

It wasn’t anything like the awkward fumbling of his seventeen-year old self. Johnny was confident now, more experienced. He jerked Daniel off in long and measured strokes, every now and then swiping his thumb over the slit. Daniel moaned, his hand coming up to clasp around Johnny’s wrist, not stopping him, just holding on. Once he was fully hard, Johnny leaned forward to get a bottle of lube from the drawer.

Daniel watched with heavy-lidded eyes, as Johnny spread the gel on his fingers and reached between his legs. He stretched Daniel slowly at first, before adding more fingers. Daniel was a feast for the eyes, a red flush spreading all the way down to his chest. He rolled his hips in small aborted moves, like he couldn’t wait to get Johnny inside of him.

Johnny sank his teeth into his bottom lip, incredibly turned on at the sight. He thought of all the nameless faces that he’d fucked over the years, the constant stream of dark eyes and easy smiles—suddenly he understood why he’d always had a type.

“All I ever wanted was you,” Johnny said, because it was true. Daniel flushed even more.

When Johnny was done, he slicked himself up and wiped his fingers on the bed sheets. He lined himself at the entrance, and pushed in slowly. He didn’t stop, going in inch by inch, until he bottomed out.

Daniel was taking labored breaths, and there was a deep line in-between his eyebrows. Johnny leaned down with his elbows on either side of Daniel’s head and pressed their chests together.

“Breathe,” Johnny said softly, and Daniel released air from his lungs, relaxing around him. He placed a lingering kiss on Daniel’s jaw, and started rocking his hips, slowly at first, then with a bit more strength. Johnny could tell the moment he hit Daniel’s prostate, Daniel made a broken sound in his throat.

Johnny picked up the pace, moving his hips faster and faster, his love for Daniel bleeding with every thrust. Daniel was the perfect mix of tightness and heat, but Johnny wanted more. He wanted to sink in so deep that he could feel every single flutter around his cock. He pushed inside of Daniel, and stopped.

“Hold onto me,” Johnny rasped. Daniel blinked the sweat out of his eyes. He hooked his arms around Johnny’s neck, and tightened his legs.

Johnny placed his hands under Daniel’s ass and sat back on his knees, so that Daniel was in his lap, face to face. He immediately started fucking him again. In this position, he got to sink in deeper than before. Daniel pulsed around him, flexing his thighs in a desperate bid for him to go faster. There was a mirror behind Daniel, and Johnny could see the ripple in Daniel’s back, the way his dick moved in and out of him.

He dug his teeth into his lips and panted, pleasure unfurling down his spine. Daniel threw his head back with a moan and Johnny latched on his throat, sucking the sweat-dampened skin. When he was close to coming, he wrapped an arm around Daniel’s waist, and used his other hand to jerk him off. Daniel’s face contorted, and he rolled his hips harder, in tune with the rhythm of Johnny’s hand.

Daniel choked out his name, as his body went rock hard and come splattered between their bellies.

“You’re so beautiful,” Johnny said, placing sloppy kisses on Daniel’s shoulder. “So beautiful.”

He didn’t wait for Daniel to recover. He placed his hands under Daniel’s thighs and lifted him bodily until Daniel was on his back again. Johnny snapped his hips, aiming for the finish line this time. Daniel continued to moan underneath him, and it wasn’t long before Johnny was coming too, stars bursting beneath his eyelids.

Afterward, he collapsed on top of Daniel. They panted heavily, the bodies sticky with come and sweat. Johnny laid his cheek on Daniel’s shoulder and closed his eyes. There was a moment of silence during which they both caught their breaths.

Then, Daniel slowly raised his hand and buried his fingers into Johnny’s hair. His blunt nails scratched into Johnny’s scalp, making him shiver.

“When I saw you at the dealership,” Daniel said, his chest vibrating under Johnny’s chin. “I was so happy. I thought that—I could finally get closure...” He trailed off. “But then I realized you didn’t remember.”

Johnny thought back to that day. It was supposed to be a quick run: go inside the dealership, find his car, and get out. Instead, Daniel had called out his name, walked up to him and pulled him into a hug. It had been the strangest feeling for Johnny: standing there, firm as a rock, not understanding why every single bone in his body was screaming at him to hug back.

“I was an asshole with you,” Johnny said. Now that he had enough perspective, he could be honest with himself.

“Well, I didn’t make it easy for you,” Daniel admitted quietly. “I kept giving you mixed signals. It was hard to pretend that nothing had happened between us, and then after that…” He sighed. “It only got harder. Things kept escalating between us, and I had no way of knowing if you’d ever remember. It wasn’t until the school fight happened that...”

Johnny felt a sudden ache in his chest. _I messed up everything,_ the words echoed in his head again. It was true, wasn’t it? If it weren’t for him, Miguel wouldn’t have ended up at the hospital. If it weren’t for him, Kreese wouldn’t have taken over the dojo, and Robby wouldn't have faced the possibility of going to juvie.

“It’s my fault that it didn’t work,” Johnny said, his voice thick with emotion. “When I heard the tape, I wanted to make things better. I really did. But then the fight with Dutch happened, and I— I got cold feet. I didn’t want to take it out on you, but you were there and—”

“Hey, come on. I wasn’t blaming you.”

“No, but it is my fault,” Johnny said, lifting his head. Daniel looked at him with sad eyes. “If I’d done things differently, I could have changed the future.”

“Johnny, you did change it.”

“How?” Johnny asked, and his voice was a little too loud, too desperate. “Tell me what the hell has changed.”

Daniel’s eyes went soft, and he moved his hand to Johnny’s jaw, his thumb brushing tenderly over his chin.

“You’re not alone anymore,” Daniel said in a low voice. He leaned his head forward and pressed a soft kiss to Johnny’s lips. “I’m here now.”

Johnny’s eyes started stinging. All at once, the fight left him. He dropped his head, and buried his nose in Daniel’s throat. Lean arms came to wrap around him. He took a deep breath, then another. Daniel was just saying words, they didn’t mean anything. But there was a feeling rising in Johnny’s chest.

“I’m here,” Daniel said again, tightening his arms around Johnny.

Johnny squeezed his eyes shut. That feeling, he hadn’t felt it in a long time. He focused on it now, a part of him surprised to see that it even still _existed._ It shone inside of him like a beacon of light in the darkness—

It was hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone! You were all very supportive during the writing of this story, and for that, I'm very grateful. <3
> 
> Now with amazing [art](https://crocodoom.tumblr.com/post/633743415413227520/no-but-it-is-my-fault-johnny-said-lifting-his) by cobra-shy.


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